25.Dec.09.Friday

(1) Sardar was sucking his fingers passionately and kissing his palm. Asked why he was doing this, he replies : ' This is foreplay to masturbation ! '.

(2) " Hosle saare aazma baithe
hum zamaane ke ghum uThaa baiThe
jin ke chaahat mein omar bhar taDpe
unhi kee shaadi mein Biriyaani khaa baiThe ! " (alby)

(3) Laden could not fuck any of his wives because, when ever he attempted, he saw a ' Bush' there!

(4) It's estimated that, millions of trees in the world are accidentally planted by squirrels, who bury nuts and forget where they buried them ! Lesson : Do good and forget it ! (sreeni.prasad)

(5) " Opportunity has to KNOCK. But it's enough for Temptation, to just stand outside and whistle !" (kavi)

(6) " aashikon ke niraale andaaz hothe hain
aankhon mein khaab hothe hain
jaroori nahin hai ke dil TooTne par aansoon nikle
hansti aankhon mein bhee sailaab hothe hain ! " (kb)

(7) " Reflection cannot be seen in boiling water. In the same way, Truth cannot be seen, in the state of anger." (alby)

(8) Propose karne kaa naya sher !
" kutta mar gaya rajaai mein
apun paagal ho gaya teri judaai mein
haathi nadi mein beh nahi sakta
apun teri bina reh nahin sakta ! " (alby)

(9) " dur ho kar kareeb rehne ke aadat hai
yaad ban kar , aankhon se behne ki aadat hai
paas na hokar, kareeb paaoge,
hame ehsaas ban kar, rehne kee aadat hai " (munawar)

(10) In 1980, IDBI rejected loan to Ambani. 29 years later, Mukesh Ambani is trying to buy IDBI ! Proves, ' nothing is impossible !' .

jox : 24.Dec.2009

1. " ishq ke sahaare jiya nahin karte
ghum ke piyaalon ko piya nahin karte
kuch nawarzahde dost hain hamaare
jis ko agar sms na karo
tho woh bhi sms kiya nahin karte ( paki)

2. " tumhara hamara rista
aankhon aur palkon ka hai
agar palak kuch der na jhapke
tho aankhen ro deti hain
agar aankhon mein kuch aa jaaye
tho palak tadap uthi hain (munawar)

3. The heights you attain depend on the depths of your roots. (Daffo)

4. Gehre rehti hai mujhe ek aankhon ki khushbu
teri yaadon se har saans sajaa lee main ne
jin sheron ko sun ke woh bahut roya thaa
bas wohi ghazal, sab se chupaa lee main ne !

5.

sms jokes : 21.Dec.09.Monday

(1) The difference between Bad and Worse. ' Bad' is - when your parents find - the last night's used condom in your room. ' Worse' is when - you have to EAT it , to prove that, it's chewing gum !

(2) sardar galli mein su su kar raha thaa ! Ladki dar kar ruk gayi. Sardar bola : Daro mat behen ji ! jis ko dekh kar tum dar rahi thee.. uss ko main tight pakkaD ke rakhaa ! (sreeni.prasad)

(3) A blind boy , giving sweets to all. Hostel girls come from bath room without clothes and take sweets. And ask him' kis khushi mein' ? He says : I got my eyes today ! Lesson : Fact Find is more important.

(4) Log milte hain,
All the time
pasant aatey hain
some time
aap jise milte hain
one time
jo dil mein rehte hai
life time
Allah aap ko rakhe salaamat
every time
yeh hamaari duaa hai
full time
(paaki)

(5) " ishq ke sahaare jiyaa nahin karte
ghum ke piyaalon ko piyaa nahin karte
kuch nawaabzade dost hain hamaare,
jin ko sms na karo tho
woh bhee sms kiyaa nahin karte ! (paaki)

(6)

best : baba bastard

" Baba bastard ! have u any kids ?
yes saar yes saar , 3 damn kids !
1 from the neighbor
1 from the maid
1 from the call girl, to whom
I never paid !

sms jokes : 20.Dec.2009.Sunday

(1) GF came home , sitting in front of BF s bicycle. When she got down, she was surprised to note that - it was ' LADIES' cycle !

(2) " When there is a fire at the whore house, some come out running, and some, run out, coming ! pun gent.

(3) Everything that irritates us about the others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves ! Assumptions are the termites of relationships !

(4) " when was the last time, some one touched that part of you, which is NOT a part of your body ? "

(5) " humein na DhoonDnaa tum / apni dil ki gehraayi mein / thanD bahut hai / hum milenge tumhe / apni rajaai mein "

(6) Funny oxy morons :

a. Clearly mis understood.
b.Exact estimate.
c.Small crowd.
d.Act naturally.
e.Found missing.
f.Fully empty.
and the mother of it all...
g.' Happily Marrried' . ( angy11)

7. How bed rooms smells after marriage ?
First 3 months - flowers and perfumes.
After 1 3 years : Baby powder, cream, lotions.
After 10 to 13 years : Vicks, Zandu Balm !

8. What does woman's vagina and a tin roof have in common ?
If you don't screw them good enough and tightly, they may land up at the neighbor's house ! (Dafs)

9. " Mujhe yaad karne mein sanam / yoon na waqt gawaaya karo / jab bhee doobnaa chaahogi meri yaadon kee saagar mein / seedhaa maikhaane mein chale aaya karo ! "

10. maana ke naseeb mein abhi mere koi sanam nahin / phir bhee koi shikhwa koi ghum nahin / tanha the aur tanha jiye ja rahe hai / bad nasib tho woh hai / jiss ke nasib mein hum nahin (kb)

11. " When egg breaks by outside force, a Life ends. When it breaks from inside, a Life begins. Great things always happen from inner force. Start the day with inner force. (habeeb)

12. " Life is like a river. Which has many turns. So, Enjoy every turn. For, these turns never return ! " (alby)

13. Ghahak to the dukaan daar : Aisa scheme do , jis mein, Rs.3,000/- ke kharedaaree par SEX free. Dukaan Daar : Lo, aap ko pathaa hee nahin thee ! Last month yeh scheme thee aur Bhaabhi ji ne 8 baar uss kaa Laabh uThaaya !

14. Sign board at a machine. " This machine has no brain. So, use your own ! "

15. Sardar. Candle with hair. Handle with care.

16. Responses during sex :
Mistress : Woh darling ! That was great.
Whore : Finish it fast, you ass !
GF : please, darl... slowly
Wife : I think.... the ceiling needs repair and painting !

16. What did Sardar do, when his girl friend asked him to ' bring protection' during the date ?
He brought with him, 2 brothers, 6 cousins, and one police inspector. The Girl faints !

17. Similarity between a college girl and a pregnant women ? Both bunk the periods !

18. Read ' Power of Positive NO' by William Ury. Suggested by Sanjay Talukdar.

19. " Kusoor nazron kaa thaa par sajaa dil ne paayi / yeh dil bahut roya jab judaai ki ghaDi aayi / woh chal diye hum se / kar ke na mil ne ke vaadaaa/ sazaa bhee de di humein aur khataa ! -syed munaawar.

20. Concepts of content development. ' Introduction to Instructional Design' published by N.I.I.T recommended by Sanjay Talukdaar.

21. hamaari miss call aaye tho samajh lena yeh meri faryaad hai / hamaari sms aaye tho samajh lena / ye meri dil ki kitaab hai / hamaari call aaye tho samajh lenaa / zaroor koi baath hai / agar kuch naa aaye tho mehsoos kar lenaa / dil bahut udaas hai ! " (paaki)

22.

sms - 06.Dec.2009

(1) Pappu : My hand to eye co-ordination has really improved these days ?
chotu : How ?
Pappu : I have been reading a lot of men's special magazines.

(2) " Johnny Johnny ! Yes pappa ! Any motivation ? No pappa ! Lot of tension ? yes pappa ? Do u sleep well ? no pappa ! gaaliya from boss ? yes pappa ! What about increment ? Ha hha hha ! (malai benerjee)

(3) Naukar : aap ka koi khaas dost phone kiya hai saab !
maalik : tujhe kaisa maloom ?
naukar : pooch rahe the, ' gaandu ghar mein hai kya ? '

(4) " We are thankful to the municipal corporation for the condition of roads . Otherwise, we would have missed the view of bouncing boobs on scooties ! "

(5) Santa apne puraane boss ke ghar jaaa ke roz potty kartaa thaa. boss poocha ' aisa kyoon' ?
Santa : aap to ye saabit karne ke liye, ke aap ke naurki jaane ke baad bhee, main BHOOKA NAHIN mar rahaa hoon ssaab !

(6) " It's true that women are inclined to pick up as mates similar to their fathers. That's why their mothers cry a lot at their weddings ! "