sms jokes. till Oct.2004

W There was a young lady called Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger,
They returned from ride ,
With lady inside,
And smile, on the face of Tiger !! "

Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed !

" Love is the answer, but as you await the answer, sex gets up and poses some pretty tough questions ! "

" Here’s a girl I kissed last,
She didn’t kiss slow nor she kissed fast,
She kissed so long and she kissed so sweet,
She made things stand that has no feet ! "

Anyone who feels he’s too small to make a big difference, obviously, hasn’t gone to bed with a mosquito !

" Fill , what is empty, empty, what is full ; and scratch, where it itches ! "

" I’m such a great love in bed because I practice a lot on my own ! " -- Woody Allen.

" Sex without love is a meaning less experience. As meaningless as experiences go, it’s pretty damn good ! " -- Woody Allen.

" All great revolutions start, when the ‘ first big shot’ is fired ! ( Pun un intended ! ) " – Swami Beyondananda .

Heights of revenge : A bastard , puncturing all the condoms in a condom factory !

What did the lawyer name his daughter ? SUE !!

" Teri yaar sab se pyaari / iss mein koyi shaq nahin,
teri yaar sab se pyaari / iss mein koyi shaq nahim,
par kal sab ne teraa gaand maari, tho kyaa mera koyi haq nahin ? "

What do you call when a Blonde dyes her hair black as brunette ? A : Artificial Intelligence ( which is no match no natural stupidity )

" A life without a friend is like boobs without nipples ; pointless ! "

What do you call a Sikh female’s boy friend ? Her Pal Singh !

" Tere ishq mein jaanam , dekho kyaa haal ho gaya ?
body se badboo aa rahi hai , nahaa ke zamaana ho gaya ! " – maila majnoo.

A big cat threatens the mice family. The Pa mouse yells, ‘ Bhow Bhow ! ‘. Cat is scared and runs away. Pa mouse : That’s why I say, it’s important to learn a 2 nd language ! "

" Abey ! peepal ke paed ke sukhe huye patte mein / chupe huye bhooth ke / panje ke last ungli ke / toote huye naakhoon se / behethe huye khoon ke / bimaar bacteria… ! / Kabhi sms kar !! "

2 surds watching a girl. 1 st one : What lovely pair of boobs she has ! 2 nd surd ( absent mindedly ) : arre boobs bole tho yaad aaya , bhabhiji kaisi hai ?

sms jokes ; Dec.2004 -> Aug.2005.

SMS JOKES TILL SEPT. 2005

what did Bill Gates’ wife tell him on his wedding night ? " I now know why, your company was names ‘ micro-soft’ !! "

A lady from 2 nd floor, hollering at the banana wala : Kela kaise dega ? Bananawala : aath mein barah ! Lady : Saath mein tera diya tho oopar aa aja !

Why girls do not keep their mobiles in their bras ? ‘cos, signal does not work in mountain areas !

Wife : Suno ji mujhe bra lena hai ! Hubby :Bra ki kya zaroorath hai ; tere itne chote chote hai ! Wife : Kal tum ne under wear khareeda , main ne kuch kaha kya ?

In bio test, teacher asks students to draw the figure of vagina . A girl feels shy and hangs her head down. A boy comlains : " Teacher, she’s copying ! "

All desirable things in life are either illegal, or banned, or fattening, expensive or married to some one else !
Modern terminology : To defeat = gaand phaad dena ! To beat = gaand maar de na ! to make someone jealous = gand jala dena . to think = gaand kujlaana !

Like without friends is like boobs without nipples, POINTLESS !

A movie on lesbians is called ‘ Fire’. A movie on homosexuals ? back-fire ! A movie on bi-sexuals ? Kabhi pussy kabhi bum !

What do you call a nun, who had sex-change operation ? a Trans-sister !

Khath likh rahaa hoon khoon se, ink mat samajh naa / khath likh rahaa hoon khoon se, ink mat samajh naa / mareez ka sample liya hoon / mera mat samajh naa !

Vajpayee giving a lecture on family planning, and Laloo veheme ntly protests : If you are not playing the game, you don’t frame the rules !

Santa boasting : I showed the officer my grey hair on chest ; and govt.granted me old age pension. Wife : chaddi khol ke batana chahiye thaa ! DISABILITY PENSION pension bhi mil jaathi !

A foreigner walking down a chowpatty , spots a sexy looking hijda ! F : Are you, err… a prostitute ? Hijda : No, I’m a substitute !

Hey khudaa tum ladki kaa kamar ko itni patli kyoon banayi ? / mitta kum padi yaa rishwat khaayi ? / khuda : naa mitti kam padi naa rishwat khayi / kamar dabayi tho breast bahar aayi ! "

At 33 he quit smoking ( will power ) / at 43 he quit drinking ( more will power ! ) /at 53 he quit gambling ( great will power ) / at 63 he quit sex ( power failure ! )

Laloo’s son , introducing his phirangi friends to his dad : daddy ji ! yeh tho eng-lund wa se ; aur yeh tho ire-lund wah se ; aur yeh scot-lund wa se ; aur ye holl-lund wa se … : Laloo interrupting : aur tum tho hamri lundwa se !

Acc.to a recent survey, the first thing men notice about women are : Their eyes ! Acc.to women, men are a bunch of liars when it comes to surveys !

Hubby : U want a quickie ? Wife : As opposed to what ?

Man 2 woman : Hey miss ! can I buy you whisky ? Woman : No thanks! Whisky is bad for my legs ? Man : Why ? Do they swell ? Woman : No , they spread !

Ladies hostel warden, calling electricity dept : aaji koy aadmi hai tho bhejo ! 3 din se mombatti yon se kaam chala rahe hain !

In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make ! – Beatles.

Sardar : Mera jitna bada condom milega ? Chemist : utna bada condom se kya karoge ? Sardar : Hamri collage ki fancy dress competition mein main LUND ban raha hoon !

Mechanism to avoid condom accidents : use double condoms with chilly powder in between. If the outer one breaks, she will know. If the inner one breaks, you will know !

How do air hostesses greet attractive male passengers ? " aap ka HARD DICK swaagath hai ! "

World’s oldest and strangest mystery : each pandava , identifying their son from the 5 upp-pandavas !

The biggest tragedy of Sholay : ek tho waisi hi Thakur ki biwi nahin thi aur oopar se, gabbar ne uss ka haath thod dee !

The rich man : kya sex mehnath hai yaa maza ? Poor one : Mazaa. Rich : how ? Poor : agar who bhi mehnath hothi tho aap hum se karaathe !

2 homo friends looking at a travel brochure . 1 st one : Let’s try GREECE this year ! 2 nd : Why, what’s wrong with Vaseline ?

Why do the French think, the Pakistan is full of whores ? A : ‘cos, Pakis say, ‘La-hore’ is their cultural capital !

Surd wanted his tool bigger by the time he gets married. Quack : Get it sucked by a calf for 2 weeks. After 2 weeks, quack asks : Got married ? How’s tool’s size now ? Surd : No ! marriage cancelled. I bought 5 calves instead !

Waqt noor ko be-noor kar deta kai / zaqam ko nasoor kar deta hai / kaun chahtha hai apnon se door hona / par waqt sab ko majboor kar deta hai ! "

Patient : doc ! In my dreams, rats play football every night ! Doc : Then, take this medicine from tonight ! Patient : Doc, can I start from tomorrow, for, tonight is the finals ~!

Full form of BRA ( Bhima Rao Ambedkar ) : Wo bhi gire huye ko uthata hai aur yeh bhi !

raat ko biwi ‘ jan-gan-man ‘ laga diya ! pathi : ye kya lagayi hai ? Patni : yeh last try hai ! yeh sun kar sara India khada ho jatha hai aur asha hai aap ka bhi hoga !

A prostitute’s daughter asks her mother : " Mummy ! yeh PYAAR, ISHQ OR MOHABBAT’kya hothe hain ? PROS : kuch nahin beti ! Sab free mein chod ne ki bahane hain ! "

Patient : Doctor saab ! Mera ek problem hai ! Main jab bhi ayina dekh tha hoon mera Lund khada ho jatha hai ! Doc : Yeh koyi bimari nahin ! tera shakal hee choot jaisa hai !

A dentist caught red handed with a girl. Head line in local news paper : " Dentist caught filling wrong cavities ! "
Acc.to World Health Organisation report, all medicines, invariably, have side effects. Only Viagra has FRONT effect !

Maho Maho Hallahu / Impatata Dhoompatata / Itta mutta dhitta mutta! This is African way to say " gand marwane se fursath mile tho, sms zaroor karna ! "

Thought for the day : It’s really hard to wait for the right person, esp.so, when the wrong ones are so cute ! "

Chemisty teacher ne class se poocha , ‘ what are nitrates ? ‘ aur ladki Sharma ke answer di ‘ they’re double than day rates ! "

Alec Smart said, ‘ People want the front of the bus, back of the church and the CENTRE of attention ! ‘

Hubby : You are SO unresponsive, do you use COLD CREAM between legs ? Wife retorting : Do you use VANISHING cream between yours ?

Every organization is like a tree full of monkeys. The ones at the top, see the monkeys below them. The monkeys at the bottom, see only assholes at the top !


Surd : This is NOT my baby ! I was 2 years abroad ! Wife : But aji, I had your photo ! Surd : Trash ! My photo was only upto my waist !

Blood test ke baad, cotton nahin mil ne par nurse ne sardar ki ungli mooh mein li ! Surd ( grinning expectantly ) : ab tho meri URIN test bhi baaki hai !

What’s the difference between biology and sociology. If the baby looks like his dad or mom, it’s biology. If baby looks like the neighbour, it’s sociology.

Wife : Though I’m 50, doctor said I have a figure of a 25 year old ! Hubby : What about your 50 year old ass ? Wife : We didn’t discuss about you at all !!

Girl opening her legs : hamre bacche kaa kyaa naam rakhenge ? Boy Friend, putting on condom : agar iss ke baad bhi paida hotha, tho lagayenge : JAADUGAR !

Why do girls prefer Gold to Boys ? ‘cos, gold has 24 carrots where as boys have only 1 carrot !