sms 28.Dec.2009.sunday

(1) Do amazon search on (a)Kurt Vonnegut (b) Peter Shaffer and (c) Anthony Burgess.

(2) " na woh inkaar karti hai /na woh ikraar karti hai / zaalim mere sapnon mein aa ke / mere hee dost se / pyaar karti hai ! " (alb)

(3) Amzon and wiki search : " Jorge Luis Borges, the master craftsman of the short story in the 20 th century ! "

(4) When you face great challenges, tell yourself, " If I can't (overcome), who can ? " . After your success, be humble, tell yourself " If I could, who can't ? " (kb)

(5) " Rishte bante hain oopar waaleh ki duniya mein / hum sirf uss ko nibhaana jante hain / pataa nahin doosra janam ki baare mein / magar dosti aap ki / har janam mein nibhaana chaahte hain ! " (kb)

(6) " If you focus on results, you will never change. But if you focus on change, you will get results ! " (kb)

(7) What's the difference between Man and condom ? A : Condoms have changed with times. And technology. They are no longer thick and insensitive !

(8) " How do I get the best out of life ? " Inner Voice answered : Face your past without regret. Handle your Present with confidence. Prepare for your future without fear. Keep faith and drop fear. Never doubt your beliefs. Never believe in your fears. " (vvrk)

(9) Santa : I can read a woman like a book. Banta : Oh ! In which language ? Santa : Braille !

(10)

25.Dec.2008.Thu

(1) Even a small dot can stop a big sentence but... a few more dots can give it a continuity. Every end can be a new beginning. Enjoy your day.

(2) " Nicest place to be is in someone's thoughts. The safest place to be is - in someone's prayers. you are in both! Merry Christmas ! " (alby)

(3) One sign is a civilized society is - when it gives a second chance to its erring citizens. Another sign is - the way society treats those it hates ! - Jetmalani / Harsha Bhogle

(4)" How to read faster and recall more " by Gordon Wainwright. Mac Millan India. Rs.195/-

(5) " What do you call a cattle with sense of humour ? " " A laughing stock ! (58888)

(6) " Fareb ko aashiqui samajh baiThe / holi ko deewali samajh baiThe / andheri mein haath jo thaama hum ne / ke paDosan ko ghar waali samajh baiThe "

(7) " Both positive thinkers and negative thinkers are required by the world. While the optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist invented the parachute ! " unknown.

(8) Ek sardaar ke sapne mein kisi ne uss ke gaand maar di ! 2nd day sardaar ne apne bank account ko close karwa diya ! kyon ki bank mein likha tha ' hum aap ke sapno ko HAQEEKAT mein badal denge ! "

(9) " When you try something, there is a POSSIBILITY of failure ! When you don't try anything, there is a GUARRANTEE of failure ! So, choose your option ! "

(10) Remember, when you are headed for a wrong direction, God allows you U-turns ! " (kb)

(11) " Be soft and cool like water. So that you can adjust anywhere in life. Be hard like a diamond. So, no one can play with your emotions ! " ( hitesh)

(12) " What is the difference between a man and a condom ? " A : Condoms have changed with times ! They are no longer thick and insensitive ! "

(13) " If you focus on results, you can never change. If you focus on change, you will get the results ! " (kb)

21.Dec.2008.Sun

(1) A successful person is one who can lay foundation with the bricks others thrown at him ! ( kb)
(2) When you face challenges, tell yourself, " if I can't , who can ? " After you win, be humble , and say ' If I can, who can't? " ( kb ; send2bmos)
(3) Why do Sindhi s watch a porn movie in rewind mode ? They get excited when they see prostitutes returning the money ! (sreeram)
(4)

sms.jokes.20.Dec.08.Sat

(1) Any idea where are ‘Lehman Sisters’ ? Let’s find them out and do to them what Lehman brothers have done to us ! (alby)

(2) What is the similarity between Election and Erection ? dono mein ‘ ummeedwaar’ ‘khaDa ‘ hotha hai !

(3) “ I may be walking slowly but never walking backwards” Ab Lincoln. “ When ever I take a walk backwards, it’s for a Long Jump ! “ Carl Lewis. ( ramesh.p)

(4) Smallest Joke ! “ Digambar vastra bhanDaar ! “

(5) What is the opposite of laughter ? SEX ! Laughter : ha ha ha ! Sex : Ah Ah Ah ! (Hitesh)

(6) Hyderabad Girls hostel mein phone aaya! ‘ Salma hai kya ? ‘ Warden : Here are 7 Salma s here ! Aap ka salma peeche kyaa lagaati ? ( surname) . Salma ka balma : patha nahin madam ji. Iss se pehle tho ‘ Vaseline’ lagaathi thee …(alb)

(7) Sardar ki blood test hui. Rui nahin mili isi liye nurse uss ka ungli mooh pe lagaati. Sardar smiling. Nurse : Why ? Sardar : iss ke baad mera URINE test bhee hai !

(8) “ Life gives answers in 3 ways. If says yes, it gives you what you want. If it says No, it gives you something better ! If it says ‘ wait’ , it gives you the best ! (kb)

(9) Yoon tho hain hum, Brahma chaari ! / magar jahaan dekhi naari, wahaan aankh maari / paT gayi tho hamaari / varnaa phir se brahmachaari ! (alb)

(10) Santa : I can read a woman like a book ! “ Banta : in Which language ? Santa : BRAILLE ! (alb)

sms jokes : 18.Dec.2008.Wed

(1) Harold Bloomfield - author of ' Making Peace with the past' , do net/amazon search.

(2) Jeevan ke har sthiti mein hamare paas 2 raaste hothe hain (a) Bhaag lo ( participate) aur (b) 'bhaag' lo ( run away) (Ramesh.P)

(3) " imagination is everything. It's the preview of life's coming attractions ! " ( alberta)

(4) " jab dosti ki dastaan waqt sunaayega / hum ko bhi ek shaks yaad aayega / tab bhool jayenge zindagi ka gamon ko / jab aap ke saath gujraa waqt yaad ayega ! " ( alberta)

(5) " A promising young man should join politics so that, he can go on promising for the rest of his life ! " ( indiatimes joke)

(6) " Every married man keeps wondering every evening, whether to watch chicks he can't fuck or go home and fuck what he can't look at ! " ( sub bomb)

(7) " Husband and wife watching boxing match. One of the boxer is knocked out in the first round itself, in ONE minute ! Husband comments : ' Disgusting ! It's all over in one minute ! "
Wife : ' Now you know how I feel' ?

(8) Who said 'open' and 'close' are words with opposite meaning ? you are open with only those who are close to you ! ( alby)

(9)