sms cellular jokes

sms jokes : 22.Dec.2011.Thu

2011-12-21T19:58:00.001-08:00

1. In the grip of lust , men often lacked the skill to ask women for sex gracefully. And lacked the heart to take No for an answer. Forgot that, her body belongs to her.

2. 2 principles. Sex and target, jitne bhi karo, kum hai. Boss aur Biwi, kabhi bhi satisfy nahin hothe. Penis aur market, kabhi gir K, kabhi khaDa bhee ho sakti hai. ( hitesh)

3. Toughest song for Telugu people. Hyaapee baarth day too yoooooo my dear veera venkata sathya sesha surya naaga ...
4.Munga Laali address : Flat No.203, Mayuri Palace Apartments, Kasi arcade, opp.to Subham Kalyana ManDapam, Ring Road, Guntur.

5. Sardar spent Rs.5,000/- on Penis enlargement instrument and got what ? A magnifying glass in courier !

6. Ghalib to his wife, when she refuses sex. ' Lo abni chooth aphi bosDi mein / mujhe lene do , lunD apni haath mein ! '

7. " When you learn to see, accept, and even love ' what is ' wihtout resistence, denial or excuse, you are open to our inner & often , hidden potential ! " - Dennis Lewis.

8. " Good journalism is about shining spotlight on an issue that's off the agenda and help put it back on the the agenda ! " Nicholas Christoff. ( tweet)

9. In my childhood,homosex was a crime. Later , it was permissible. Now, it's made legal. I'm afraid I have to leave the country before it's made compulsory !

10. Girls apply make up, various creams, sexy perfumes, and go for the best hair styles ever.Finally, the guys look at them and say, ' kyaa Gaand hai yaar, dekh saali ki ! ? /

sms 31.Aug.2011

2011-08-31T11:21:00.000-07:00

(1) Book : " The Groaning Shelf " by Pradeep Sebastian. A book about books. 

(2) http://www.wehelpandteach.org . Visit this web site. Contribute to this. 

(3) How does an attorney sleep ? First, he lies on one side. Next he lies on the other side. 

(4) When ever you see a woman and an opportunity, don't screw the opportunity. 

(5) If you want to know the past, look at your present condition. If you want to know the future, look at your present actions ! 

(6) Sometimes, getting into the hot water is the best way to come clean ! 

(7) " Bhai Behen bichaDne ka kya hua anjaam ? Munna bana MBBS, aur Munni hui badnaam ! " 

(8) Stock market ke gents toilet mein likha hai ki ' If you hold for some more time, it would surely go up ! " 

(9) Net. The Pleasure Project. For eroticizing safe sex.

(10) There is not much fun in medicine. But there is a lot of medicine in Fun ! 

sms : 30.Aug.2011

2011-08-30T11:17:00.000-07:00

(1) 3 apples that changed the history of mankind. 1st one that seduced the Eve. 2nd one that awakened Newton and 3rd on that Steve Jobs produced. ( on twitter; posted by Kavi on FB)

(2) " Mathematics may not teach us how to add love or minus hate or multiply joy but it teaches us that, every problem has a solution ! " ( LCD)

(3) Slogan by an insurance sales employee. " Anna Hazare ji tum sangharsh karo ! Hum tho kar hee rahe hain !"

(4) Book recommentation : " A Pale View of Life " by Kazuo Ishiguro. Read a rave review.

(5) Net Search : Kotha Sachidananda Murthy , Philosopher, Padma Vibhushana Award winner.

(6) " Nothing builds intimacy like shared vulnerability " _ Mahesh Bhatt on Twitter.

(7) The problem is - God gives only enough blood to run either Penis or Brain.

(8) For any relationship to work, for each 1 negative exchange, there should be at least 6 positive exhanges. - Marilyn Atkinson on FB

(9) " Fate decides, who walks into your life. You decide, who will stay and who will go ! " (Tweet)

(10) " If Life has gotten you down to knees, you are in a perfect position to ... PRAY" ( Tweet)

(11) " If you are a coach or a teacher, are you giving your learners , a safe place to fail ? " (tweet)

(12) " If it's meant to happen, it will hapen. At the right time. With the right person. At the right time. And for the right reason. If it doesn't happen, it's for right reason too ! " ( tweet)

(13) Shop Keeper : This sweater is made of VIRGIN wool. Buyer : We are not interested in the sexual morality of sheep !

(14) A lot of research in male behavioural science has established that, ' Ladies First' is just a nicer way of saying, ' Let me check out your ass while you walk in front of me ! "

(15) " Women can never be equal to men, until, they are able to walk on the road with bald head and fat belly - and STILL think they are sexy ! "

(16) " Your body has its own kind of intelligence. You can never pat your own back nor can kick your own ass! that's why you need FRIENDS " . ( M.S.Prasad)

(17) " The cave you fear to enter, is the one which holds the treasures you seek ! " - Joseph Campbell.

(18) Girl to Mom : What's the difference between a VEG film and NON-VEG film ? Mom : If your eyes are moist, it's a VEG film. If your cunt is moist, it's a NON VEG film !

(19) " Your RIGHTS are only as secure, as the PROCESS by which you defend them " - journalist P.Sainath.

(20) " Where there are YAWNING cultural thoughts, there is more food for thought for reconcilliation and understanding ! " ( Kavi in his tweet).

sms jokes 24.Aug.2011.

2011-08-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

(1) Insurance salesman : Sir we do penis insurance also ! Prospect : If it stops working, will you replace it with a new one or what ? Ins.Salesman : No sir ! We ensure free service to your wife, for the rest of her life ! (Hitesh)

(2) " Please keep your mobiles in Man Mohan Singh Mode " ( bheem)

(3) " Inflation and financial crisis have become so bad these days, that people started loving their own wife !"

(4) Book recommendation : " A Pale view of Hills " by Kazuo Ishiguro. Just read a great review.

(5) " Power does not corrupt you ! Power actually brings the corrupted unconsciousness to the surface. Power brings your intrinsic evil into action. Power merely exposes you !" OSHO.

(6) Dear Anna Hazaare Sahab ! Thank you for taking public attention from India-England series. " M.S.Dhoni & Team India.

(7) " Grateful Life = Great Full Life " ( Kavi)

(8) Amazing dif between Einstein and Karuna Nidhi. Einstein believed, ' Everything is relative'. Karuna Nidhi believed, ' relatives are everything'.

(9) " never be too proud of your position in your life because - after the game of chess is over, both King and pawns are tossed into the same box ! " ( Kiran bee)

(10) telugu haiku : " roopam ,oka deja vu / saaram ,oka deja vu / kotta danm anTe / oka chaavu ! " ( from misimi mag)

sms 17.July.2011

2011-07-18T00:17:00.000-07:00

(1) suhaag raat ke din, dulha miya praying ! " Hey God ! mujhe thaakath aur tazrooba de ! ' Bride : Thaakat ka prayer karo. Tajroobaa mere paas bahut hai !

(2)"No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave."
-- Calvin Coolidge

(3)
"Too many folks go through life running from something that isn't after them."
-- Anonymous

(4) ' All states are on high alert, after the bomb blast' is like, putting on condom after ejaculation ! ' - Hitesh.

(5) Girl : Mummy ! What is the difference between a veg film and a non veg film ? Mom : If your eyes get moist, it's a veg film. If u get moisture between your legs, it's a non -veg film !

(6)

SMS : 27.June.2011. Mon

2011-06-27T04:16:00.000-07:00

(1) If wife wants husband's attention, look sad and uncomfortable. If husband wants wife's attention, look comfortable and happy !

(2) Children who could not continue education for want of money. Contact : Suriya's ' Agaram Foundation'.

Web Site :
http://www.agaram.in

or phone number : 0.98410.91000 ( chennai based ) - From Geetha HH Sharma.

(3) Potha : dadaji yeh Condom kya hotha hai ? Dada : mujhe nahin maloom mujhe choD do.
Potha : Abey madarchod agar aap ko maloom hotha, tho aaj jaaidaad ke 14 tukDe nahin hothe !

(4) Revolutionary leaders go wrong when they stay too long. George Washington went to Farming. But Fidel Castro is not.

(5) With the highest of Literacy rates, Kochi and Trivendrum should have been at the forefrong of software / IT revolution. Not Bangaluru and Hyderabad. ( Ramachandra Guha)

(6) Birla s named their Engineering College as BITS. This is the reason why - Tatas did not open their Engineering college !

(7) Global Warming Message : Don't mess up with Girls in monoon ! Or else, they would become a Mom soon !

(8) There are groups around both Ramdev and Anna Hazare. The civil society groups. Already, ' my civil society is MORE CIVIL than yours ! ' war has begun ! - Palagummi Sainadh.

(9) Sonia Gandhi promising to fight corruption is like Pakistan promising to fight terrorism !

(10) Worried mother gives her daughter a pack of condoms on her first date ! Daugher : Mommy ! You are so outdated. I'm not dating any Tom , Dick or Harry. I'm dating Meera. Give me a Keera ! P.V.Ramanamurthy.

(11) ' Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are - and doing things as they ought to be done. ' M.S.Prasad.

(12) Refresher : Prof. KaTTamanchi Rama Linga Reddy. ' Roma'Linga Reddy in ' yoni' varsity.

(13) Ek paThaan ko hichki aayi aur uss ke saath LunD bhi uTh gayi. woh socha, ' ab yousuf bhai jaan ke saath salma bhabhi bhi mujhe yaad kar rahi hogi ! '

sms 30.April.2011

2011-04-30T11:11:00.000-07:00

(1) Wife wanted her husband to buy her something, to make her look sexy. He bought 2 full bottles of Vodka for himself ! ( sreenivasa prasad)

(2) " Agar duniya itna achi hothi / tho koi yahaan rote huye nahin dikhtaa / agar duniya itna bhi buri hothi / koi yahaan se rulaate huye nahin jaata ! " ( hitesh)

(3) Please download ' tera copy software' . It will make copy & paste, lightening fast ! ( thankX jagrit )

(4) " The only mistake is the one , from which, we learn nothing ! "

(5) Heights of revenge : A bastard puncturing condoms in a factory with a needle !

Biz Sms 10 Feb 2011

2011-02-10T08:12:00.000-08:00

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(7)

sms jokes 14.Jan.2011. Fri

2011-01-14T09:08:00.000-08:00

(1) Work for a cause , not for an applause. Live life to express. Not to impress. Don't strive to make your presence noticed, but try to make your absence felt.

(2) " Without doubt, women are always the foundation of society and civilization. But never forget, who LAID them in the first place !? " Pun Gent.

(3) Boss in an interview : " What's the difference between a paper clip and screw' ? Secretary candidate : hmm.... don't know... I've never been paper clipped !

(4) " When ever you see a woman and an opportunity, never screw the opportunity ! " Alec Smart.

(5) When ever 2 indian families meet, women look at each other sarees. Husbands look at each other's wives !

(6) As the man grows old, it's harder and harder for him... to grow harder !

(7) The more important a task is, more important it is - not to get dictatorial. For, important tasks need a ' buy in'.

(8) " our body is made of water but when it's hurt, blood comes out. Our heart is made of blood but when it's hurt, water comes out ! "

(9) Pakistan's tourism slogan. " Come here and have a BLAST ! " ( Jagrit)

(10) AID s awareness slogan. " Either use First Hand or Just Hand ! "

(11) " Is DOROLAC IBS available in smaller potencies " ? My question. Ans : Yes it is. simply Dorolac. From Aristo Pharma.

(12)" tairna hai tho / samundar mein tairo / taalab mein kyaa rakha hai / mohabbat karna hai, tho apni watan se karo / inn haseeno mein kya rakha hai ? "

(13) ' Desk Top ' is what you do with your secretary ! ' Lap Top' - is what you do with your girl friend. ' Palm Top' is what you do..... when you are alone ! "

(14) Bhagwan aur Doctor ko naaraj nahin karna. agar bhagwan ko ghussa aatha hai, tho Doctor ke paas bhejthaa hai aur jab Doctor naaraaz hothe hai, tho Bhagwaan ke paas bhejthe hai !

(15) Define a contraceptive pill ? Ans : It's the second best thing, a woman can put into her mouth, to avoid pregnancy !

(16) Board at Factory for Girls : " Girls, please notice. If your skirt is long, protect it against machines. If skirt is short, protect yourselves from Men ! '

(17) " Good relations are like the needles in the clock. They meet, only once in a while but they always stay connected ! "

sms jokes 07.Jan.2011

2011-01-07T09:22:00.000-08:00

(1) Pastor : do you know, where the little boys and girls, who do bad things, go ?
Boy : yes. to the back of the church !

(2)

sms jokes 04.Jan.2011

2011-01-04T01:02:00.001-08:00

(1) Teacher : Tell me an example of at least one Micro Soft Product ?
Raju : MS Office
Ramu : MS Word.
Reena : MS Excel.
Shyam : MS Power Point.
Santa Singh : MS Dhoni.
Banta Singh : MS Subbu Lakshmi.

(2) Love can only remove all misunderstandings, worrys, doubts, fears, tears, and under garments. (bheem)

(3) Lady : I'm waring you again. My husband is coming in one hour. Man : But I'm not doing anything ! Lady : karona jaldi, phir !

(4) Boss to prospective lady secretary : What's the differnce between a paper clip and a screw ?
Lady : don't know.. I have never been paper clipped.

(5) Vaali Sugreev movie company name ? Waaner brothers !

(6) Paki tourism's tag line. " Come here and have a blast ! "

(7) Kriyapa rail paTTi par haga na kare. rail aayega aap ke gaand ko kaaTega. tab aap haath se gaand ko kaaTne ke bajaye, gaand hee aap ke haath ko kaaTega !

(8) Women have mysterious ability to communicate : They listen half : understand a quarter : and tell double !

(9) All journey of life starts with a full bag of luck and an empty bag of experience. Try to fill the experience bag, before the luck bag runs out !

(10) After certain age, all men and women become like christmas trees. All bells and balls. Only for decoration.

(11) In life , never look down on anyone, unless you are getting a good view of cleavage !

(12) halam paTTina raithu, halaa halam kosam vethuku thunnaaDu. ( andhra jyothi headline).

(13) When ever you see a woman and an opportunity, don't screw the oppourtunity !

(14)

sms jokes 24.December.10 -->

2010-12-23T20:39:00.000-08:00

(1) Jr.NTR : ye cinema ki babai ? Balakrishna : aari pothraaru ! Jr.NTR : evaru babai aari potharu ? nee cinema ni teesina vaara ? choosina vaara ? Bala Krishna : nenu chooDa boye cinema peru !
Car Driver : aari pothaaru kaadu balayya saar ! ' Harry Potter' ! Jr.NTR : Nuv KEKA babai !

(2) Enjoy your life as much as you can, while you are single. For, to become single again, is very painful.

(3) " If more than one Mouse is Mice, if more than one spouse, is Spice ? "

(4) In India, 70% of the girls names end with 'A', and 20% of their names end with 'I' and the rest is 10%. Check.

(5) ' raath bhar woh aayi nahin
hum hilaa hilaa ke so gaye
jo aayi nahin woh hai bijli
jo hila rahe the, woh tha pankha
sudhar jao kamino
har sms non veg nahin hotha

(6)

10.Dec.2010 to 30.Oct.2010

2010-12-11T02:16:00.000-08:00

(1) Best selling book in Paki. " My journey from Indian Tennis to Paki Pennis' by Sania Mirza.

(2) Beautiful truth against gravity. Your heart will feel light when someone is in there. It feels heavy, when someone leaves.

(3) Budha's Enlightenment involved a radical shift in perspective , than, any gaining of privileged knowledge into some highter Truth' - Stephen Batchelor,Buddhist Scholar.

(4) Santa : You are married to one of the identical twin sisters. How do you recognize ? Banta : Why should I ?

(5) There are 70 days to satisfy a woman. One of them is to take her to shopping. The rest is 69.(Chaava)

(6) ee lokam lo 5 kasthamainavi ! 1. KoDi ki lipstick peTTaDam 2. Cheema ki kiss ivvaDam .3.Yenugu ni oDi lo peTTu kovaDam. 4.doma ki baTTalu veyyaDam 5. ninnu marichi povaDam.

(7) Dr.S.D.Kumar. Plot no.105, Shiva Nagar colony. From pillar no.155, come down straight and take left. 4 th house.

(8) aap ki girl friend chaahe jitni bhi chaalu ho ; usse kabhi dosti na toDna. kyun ki, paani chaahe kitni bhi gandi ho , aag bhujaane kaa kaam tho aa hi jaata hai !

(9) Bumper sticker on a just married man's car. ' Do not disturb............... already disturbed ! '

(10) ' Omar kya kahu ? naadaan hai meri / sabko pyaar dena / pehchaan hai meri / aap ka dil zhakhmon se bhara ho to / hum se milo / dilon ko repair karne ka dukaan hai meri ! "

(11) try this new tongue twister. Say ' Alpha Q' 10 times fast !

(12)

(12) Y do boys and girls have relationship problems ? 'Cos, God gave good brain to men and good heart to girls. But men use their heart and women use their brains, in relationships ! "

(13) Argument is bad but discussion is good. Because, Argument is about who is right. Discussion is about what is right ( and wrong).

(14)

2010-10-30T10:04:00.000-07:00

(1) A good sermon should have a good beginning & a good ending. And both should be as close as possible. George Burns.

(2)Book Recommendation : ' From Me to you' by Sathya Saran. Collection of essays. On women. Westland publications. 212 pages. Rs.250/-.

(3) Voted as the best double meaning message. College girl to xerox wala : ' bhayya jaldi aage peeche se do do baar kar. period shuru hone wala hai !

(4) Clothes worn by women these days are like fences in the Zoo. They protect the property without obstructing the view ! ( shankar srikakulam)

(5) 3 chinese, Bu, Chu and Fu go to america and try to americanize their names. Bu become buck. Chu becomes Chuck and Fu......... packs his bag and baggage to China !

(6) Swami Nityananda's message to Humanity : " Love the lady but don't touch the body : else , some one will make a CD'.

(7) Heights of pressure in sales : ek sales officer toilet ko gaya aur udhar likha thaa ' agar itna zor business mein lagaata, tho ab tak target complete hotha! " ( medikonda)

(8) Advt for Virgin Atlantic airlines & Mobiles : " Don't go by our name. We are far more experienced than our name suggests ! "

(9) There are 3 male pencils and 1 female pencils in the box. Female pencil got pregnant. Why ? One of the male pencils has got no RUBBER!

(10) What you seize, is what you get. Life's like that.

(11) " I have an oral exam tomorrow. I hope I won't 'blow' it ! "

(12) Woman 1 : What happened to your face ? Woman 2 : My husband bashed up my face. Woman 1 : But I thought he was out of town, na ? Woman 2 : Even I thought so !

(13) What's the only animal with an asshole on the middle of its back ? A police horse.

sms 09.Sept.2010

2010-09-08T23:16:00.000-07:00

(1) ' aasmaan mein kaali ghaTa chayi hai / aaj phir ghar waali se maar khaayi hai / dil tho kartha sudhar jaaoon / magar kya karun ? / kaam waali phir bheeg ke aayi hai ! " (bheem)

(2) " imitinef mercilet' is the medicine that cures blood cancer. Available free of cost at Adayar Cancer institute chennai, Trivendrum, Bangalore, Kovai. ( from +91 9819990607)

(3) visit

http://www.fullonsms.com

send unlimited messges. use pre-load sms , theme wise.

(4) " Good relationships are like trees. they demand care and attention. Care in the beginning, but once they blossom, they provide you shade, in all situations in Life! "

(5) Beggar asks lady. ' Food ! " Lady : ledu. beggar : okka roopaayi. lady : ledu. some old rag ? lady : Ledu Po ! Beggar : raa akka kalisi aDukkundaam ! (LCD)

(6) Kadiri K.V.Ramana Reddy. Mbile : 0.99891.12404. email : k.v.r.r.lic@gmail.com

(7) The audience thinks, he's a joker. But the clown thinks, he is the performer. It all depends on how you think. At the end of the day, the recognition, rewad, name, fame, to go the clown. No one remembers the audience. ( LCD)

(8) " kyaa aap ko , girls ke baDe baDe boobs dekhnaa pasand karte hain ? aur marne ke baad bhee dekhnaa chaahte hain ? DONATE EYES !

(9) " jeevitam lo okaTi gurthu peTTuko ! Cream biscuit lo cream unTundi. Salt biscuit lo salt unTundi ! kaani, kukka biscuit lo kukka unDadu ! " Jr.NTR : Nuv KEKA babai !

(10) " ee lokam lo 5 kashTamaina vi. 1. koDi ki lipstick peTTaDam. 2. cheema ku kiss ivvaDam 3. enugu ni vaDi lo peTTu kovaDam 4. doma ki baTTa lu veyyaDam 5. ninnu marichi povaDam.

(11) Zindagi ek raat hai. /jis mein na jaane kitne khwaab hai / jo mil gaya woh apna hai / jo nahin mila woh SAPNA hai !

(12) Perhaps, our eyes need to be washed once in a while, because, we can see Life once again, with a clearer view, once again ! (@TweetMoveOn)

(13) Balayya : nenu kooDa Y.S.Jagan laaga Odarpu yaatra chestaanu. Jr.NTR : enduku babahi ? Balayya : mana cinema lu chooDa leka sacchina vaari gurinchi ! Jr.NTR : nuv keka babai !

(14) " I was born and grew up in a village, where population remained unchanged. Each time a woman got pregnant, someone left the town ! " Michael Prichard

(15) " gustaakhi hamraai, ke har kisi se rishta zoD lete hai / log kehte hain ke mera dil pattar ka / lekin dost / kuch log aise hothe hain / ke iss ko bhee toD dete hain /

sms 04.August.2010

2010-08-04T04:45:00.000-07:00

(1) Tujhe dekh kar khaDa hotha hai / mera hasrathon ka minaar / aaja jhuk jaa aur main daaloon / tere gale mein phoolon ka haar ! - ( jagrit)

(2) " We live in a threatened world. Depleting natural resources, oil, eco cover, unity, agri output, unity and values. Increasing conflict. This reflects in our personal behaviour ! ( from Biz world case study)

(3) hey chaahne waalon / kabhi apna bhee zamaanaa tha / saare shahar , apnaa hee deewaana tha / tum tho karte ho doston se dosti / mera tho dushmanon se bhee yaaraana tha ! " (kiranB)

(4) ' Taaron ke bhee kuch kahani hogi / antariksh ki duniya bhee kuch suhaani hogi / aise hee nahi hai aasmaan ki sundartaa / woh bhee zaroor / kisi ki pyaar ki nishaani hogi ! " (k.B)

(5) Superb quote. " He who flings mud, loses a log of ground! " (hitesh)

(6) " it doesn't matter what we leave FOR children. What matters is - what we leave IN children!" (hitesh)

(7) " When you come to the end of a rope ( of hope), tie a knot and hang on ! (hitesh)

(8) Shab-e-tanhai mein dekha jalwa Lund ka / nasheeli choot thee aur mooh laal lunD kaa / hazaaron ranDiyaan chud gayi udhaar mein gaalib / karz meri dooBa baal baal lunD kaa!" (vivek)

(9) "mandir mein chappal lagaane ki aur miss call dene mein kya similarity hai ? donon mein Dar lagta hai ki, koi ' uThaa lein'!? " (KB)

(10) Killer : mee inTlo bombu peTTaam raathri 12 ganTala ki pelu tundi. Balakrishna : pichchi vaaDa maa inTlo Time piece aagi poyindi kada raa ! "

sms : 30.July.2010.Fri

2010-07-30T04:35:00.001-07:00

(1) Successful marriage depends on 2 tools. ' Beauty secrets' to wife and ' secret beauties' to husband !

(2)If you stand for any reason, be prepared to stand alone like a Tree. if you fall on hte ground, fall as a seed, that grows back to fight again !

(3) It's better to have a broken heart that can heel, than a closed heart that can't feel !

(4) Balakrishna , bullet proof jacket kakunDaa doma tera vesukunnaaDu. Jr.NTR : enduku babai ?
Balakrishna : andulo doma ne doora ledu , ika bullet emi dooru thundi raa abbai ? Jr.NTR : Nuvvu keka babai !

(5) Do you know why old gynecs are in demand ? Because of their trembling fingers !

(6) " khwabon ke andar zinda mat raho / balki apni andar khwaabon ko zinda rakho / mohabbat use nahi hoti jo khusurat ho / khubsurat woh hota / jise mohabbat ho ! "

(7) Balakrishna wife : ikkaDa peTTina Lifebuoy sabbu edi ? Balakrishna : Nene Tinesaa ! aarogyaaniki rakha istundi Lifebuoy ani paaTa vini ! Wife : Meeru KEKA anDi nijam gaa !

(8) Spell ' COW' in 13 letters ? ' see o double you'.

(9) " Every bad situation may have something positive. Even a stopped clock shows correct time at least twice a day. Think about it. "

(10) " aap nazar kab milaa dee / hamaari zindagi zhoom kar muskuraa dee / zubaan se hum kuch keh na sake / magar nigaahon ne puri dil ki kahaani sunaa dee ! "

(11) It's in the mixture. He offered her scotch and soda , she declined. He offered scotch and SOFA, she reclined ! "

(12) At a health forum, a doctor asks the audience, " What food causes most suffering to man, years after eating it ? " pat comes reply, ' Wedding Cake' .

(13) Similarity between Bill Clinton and Carpentar... " One wrong screw and the whole ' cabinet' falls apart. "

(14)

sms 17.July.2010.Sat

2010-07-17T08:10:00.000-07:00

(1)"Delhi Noir" by Harish Sawhney. Publishers : Akashic Books. 320 pages. Rs.325/-. Short stories.

(2) Sometimes we struggle through tasteless coffee till the last drop, only to find sugar at the bottom, That's Life. Sweetened but not stirred well.

(3) I purchased a tempting book, ' 64 mating positions'. I opened. It was about CHESS ! I was check mated ! KLPD.

(4) In pursuit of knowledge , we gain something every day. In pursuit of wisdom, we drop something every day.

(5) Door door gaon mein, jab bachcha nahin sotha hai, tho maa bolti hai ' soja beta ! soja ! warna.... warna.... warnaa.. doosra kaisa hoga ? "

(6)Sun rises everywhere but crops grows only where farmer works hard. God is everywhere, but Grace shine on those who work hard.

(7) What's common between Sun and woman's inner wear ? Both are hot, both look better while going down and both, disappear by night !

(8) There is no royal road to success. But after success, every road becomes a success. Wish you all the best.

(9)

sms 16.July.2010

2010-07-16T03:17:00.000-07:00

(1) What's the difference between a condom and a coffin ? Both are for stiff, but except, one is for coming and one is for going !

(2)'Tamanna tha, uss ki salwar ki naDa kholne ki / uss kaa bra ka hook toD ne ki / uss ka panty ka elastic ched ne ki/ par dekho uss ki bewafai / woh nangi hi chali aayi ! " (vivek)

(3) Judge : U raped an English Girl ? Santa : sir , uss ki naam sune tho, koi bhi karenge ? Judge : kya naam hai ? Santa : Rosemary Marlow !

(4) Girl : This guy smells my hair every day and says it's great ! Boss : What's the problem ? Girl : He's a midget !

(5)

jokes 09.July.2010

2010-07-09T04:48:00.000-07:00

(1) To know about the world, and others, is intelligence. To know about oneself, is Wisdom. - Tao Te Ching.

(2) " aaj ka taap maan 43 degrees celcius. kripaya, aap, aap ki underwear mein, ice zaroor daale. warna, dono anDe, omlette ban ne kaa, aur mombatti pighale kaa sambhavana hai ! "

(3)shoib malik , sania mirza kaa gaand maarne laga hai. Sania : Ya Alla ! aage se daalo na ! shoib : Sex ya war, hum Paaki log, sirf peeche se hamla karte hain !

(4) Tweet : The grass isn't greener on the other side. You have to take better care of the grass on YOUR side.

(5) Sunanda Pushkar and Himesh Reshamya act in a movie, titled, ' aap ka Tharoor'.

(6) " Ego is like underwear. You may have it. Or you may not have it. But you need not show it ! "

(7) WE have only 2 options in Life. Accept. And Change. Accept what we can't change. And change what we can't accept.

(8) When I pray, I ask God for strength. I don't confuse it with control'. Deepak Chopra.
(9) Santa : " Loose motions never comes in slow motion "

(10) " Economics is rather an organic, evolutionary science, than, an exact physical science. steadfast laws and replicabilitydo not apply. " S.Bhootalingam.

(11) " The problem with the stereotypes is that, they are not untrue. They are incomplete. " Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

(12) ek aadmi buri haalat mein gaon gaya. Sab ne poocha, ' kya huva' ? kissan : manDi mein anaaj bech raha tha. ' Gehoon-Le-L', unho ne samjha, ' Gay-Hoon-Le-Lo'.

(13) Lady patient : Doctor saab, meere seene mein dard hai . Doctor : hum har mareez kaa ilaaz choos choos ke karte hain. Lady patient ka pathi khiDki se jhaank ke bola :mera pishaap band ho gaya hai.

(14) IPL 4 : 2011 version. Behen ji mayawati wants her candidate to be new chairman of IPL. Dalit Modi !

(15) " If there is a way, we will find it. If there is none, we will make it. " (MSP)

sms jokes 08.July.2010.

2010-07-07T23:51:00.001-07:00

(1) A cotton wool, flying in Air, is due to its luck. But a bird , flying in Air is its effort. So, don't worry if Luck doesn't support you. Efforts are yours !

(2) Doctor to old man : Babu ji ! aap ke neeche ka dono goliyaa nikaalne paDegi . Old man : nikaalo beta ! jab bandook hee nahin chal rahi hai, tho goliyon kis kaam ka ? (MSP)

(3) Why do Muslims hate Pigs ? because, pigs produce more babies than muslims ! Ego problem, yaar ! ( MSP)

(4)' main ne kaha, ' dilruba, zara haath mila ! woh boli, ' pehle pizza khila! / main : sanam, mehengaai hai ! / woh : tho tum mera bhayi hai ! "

(5) Life is a great travel trip. But the problem is, it doesn't come with a map. WE have to search our own ways to reach the destination. (vij.laxmi pgfl)

(5) You are with your girl friend and want to take a leak. How do you tell her? I have to shake hands with my childhood friend, who, HOPEFULLY, I will introduce to you after dinner ! "

(6) " care should be in heart, not in words : Anger should be in words : not in heart! " (MSP)

(7) Billu ko antooTha choosen ki aadat thi. Parents ne usko Baba Ramdev ke paas bheja. Ab Billu apni Lund bhi choos letha hai, aaram se ! ( hitesh)

(8) A scientist wanted to develop a bra that stops women's breasts from bouncing while running & didn't show nipple's when wet ! Don't worry. We have killed that bastard !

(9) Ladki aur sms me kyaa similarity hai ? jab tak oopar se niche tak POORA nahin dekhaa, tho chayan nahin aati.

(10) When a person is wrapped up in himself, he makes up a p(r)etty small package. " ( John Ruskin)

(11) Book Recommendation : " It rained all night" by Budha Deb Bose. Penguin. 144 pages. Rs.150/-)

(12) Book recommendation : " Keep the change" by Nirupama Subramanyan. Harper Collins. 358 pages. Rs.199/-. Style of narration : very witty. very tongue in cheek.

(13) Life is like a flute. It may have several holes and emptyness.But if we work on it, the same flute produces magical melodies. B positive. ( KVS Chiru)

(14) Teacher : I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of. Student : Life Impisonment.

(15)

sms jokes : 12.June.2010

2010-06-12T09:53:00.000-07:00

(1) Why does a blonde wear a tight skirt ? To keep her legs closed. ( naughty)

(2) ' There is no royal road to success. But after success, every road becomes royal. Best wishes for those who believe in struggle. ( M.S.Prasad)

(3) The word ' Lie' stands in the middle of the word ' believe'. (MSP)

(4) ' What's common between the Sun and woman's inner wear ? Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear by night.

(5) " Life is a sexually transmitted disease. Where, morality rate is 100%'. R.D.Laing.

(6) Wars are long remembered and well documented. Where as, peace pacts are soon forgotten and relegated to dustbin.

(7) My friend named his kids, ' NC, MC and ABC ! Why so ? 1 : Natural Curiosity. 2. Mutual Consent. 3. Absolute bloody carelessness.

(8) What do you get when you have 2 balls in one hand ? A man's undivided attention !

(9) Telugu Teacher : ' Monday' mundara emi vastundi ? Bala Krishna : poga vastundi. poga ! nenu oka nippu ravva !

(10)

2010-06-11T02:14:00.000-07:00

(1) class mein teacher sab bacchon ka talaash kar rahi thi. One boy's pocket had hole in it and teacher's hand went deep inside ! Teacher : Ouch ! What is this ? Naughty boy : pocket mein rocket !

(2) Every single hour gives you an opportunity to live. Every single hour gives you an opportunity to change your fate !

(3)

sms jokes : 20.May.2010

2010-05-20T01:35:00.000-07:00

(1) Sardar : plastic surgery cheyya daaniki entha avuthundi ? Doctor : Rs.5 lacs. Sardar : oka veLa plastic memey techchu kunTe entha avuthundi ?

(2) Girl : is kaa doosra line batao : " tum qatra qatra behte ho ; aur hum dariya dariya behte hain ! " boy : " tum ungli rakh kar sothi ho : aur hum haath mein rakh kar sothe hain.

(3) " Half of our strength lies in our similarity with others. The other half lies in our uniqueness. " Allen Cohen.

(4) " Economics is important to spirituality. Without basic needs met, people do not have the means to express, who fully they are ! " Andrew Schiender.

(5) A good site for educational videos.
http://www.learnerstv.com

(6) " Hard times are like washing machine. They twist , turn and knock us around. But at the end, we come out cleaner, brighter, and better than before ! "

(7) " The surest sign that, Intelligent Life exists, elsewhere in the universe is that - none of it has ever tried to contact us ! " cartoonist Bill Watterson.

(8) " Beyond a point, all business is crime! " an old marwari saying.

(9) " Judaai kaa pal mehsoos na hothi / kaash woh itni majboor na hothi / waqt bana deta hai sab ko bewafaa / warna mohabbat itni mashoor na hothi ! " ( to 58888 " sher")

(10) Lady lost her panties. She let her dog smell her pussy and asked to search. TV news at 9 P.M. : " Dog shot dead - after it bites of the penis of 37 men ! " ( M.S.Prasad. ).

(11) Boy : chalo Day & Night khelte hain. Girl : nahin ! pitch geela hai. tum chaahe tho Volley ball kehl sakte ho ! "

(12)

sms : 13.April.2010. Tue.

2010-04-12T23:03:00.000-07:00

(1) Good news. It's easy to get blood now. Just type BLOOD GROUP and send to 0 96000 97000. Example : Blood B+ and send to the number. the Donor will call you ! ( hitesh). Please pass it on. It may save life.

(2) ULTRA CET, the pain killer tablets.

(3) Different women speak differently during sex. Naukraani : Jaldi karo saab ! Maalkin aa jaayegi. Padosan : aaah ! yeeh ! ufff.. usshshsh...... dheere se karo ! please aavaaz kahin baahar na aa jaaye!
Girl Frind : Sweet heart, you are too hot ! aur karo. aur karo ! mmm... Wife : pankhaa bahut gandaa ho gayi hai , subeh subeh saaf karoongi !

(4) Heights of insult : Wife : agar duniyaa next 30 minutes mein khatam ho jaane waali hai tho tum kyaa chaahoge ? Hubby : Naturally, sex. Wife : those baakee 28 minutes kyaa karoge ?

sms jox 01.Feb.10

2010-02-01T02:21:00.000-08:00

(1) Dete hain kyoon ye dard bas ham hee ko ?
kyaa samjhenge woh in aankhon ki nami ko ?
Laakhon deewane ho jis chaand ke ...woh kya mehsoos karega,
sirf ek taare ki kami ko ? (angy11)

(2)

25.Dec.09.Friday

2009-12-25T09:28:00.000-08:00

(1) Sardar was sucking his fingers passionately and kissing his palm. Asked why he was doing this, he replies : ' This is foreplay to masturbation ! '.

(2) " Hosle saare aazma baithe
hum zamaane ke ghum uThaa baiThe
jin ke chaahat mein omar bhar taDpe
unhi kee shaadi mein Biriyaani khaa baiThe ! " (alby)

(3) Laden could not fuck any of his wives because, when ever he attempted, he saw a ' Bush' there!

(4) It's estimated that, millions of trees in the world are accidentally planted by squirrels, who bury nuts and forget where they buried them ! Lesson : Do good and forget it ! (sreeni.prasad)

(5) " Opportunity has to KNOCK. But it's enough for Temptation, to just stand outside and whistle !" (kavi)

(6) " aashikon ke niraale andaaz hothe hain
aankhon mein khaab hothe hain
jaroori nahin hai ke dil TooTne par aansoon nikle
hansti aankhon mein bhee sailaab hothe hain ! " (kb)

(7) " Reflection cannot be seen in boiling water. In the same way, Truth cannot be seen, in the state of anger." (alby)

(8) Propose karne kaa naya sher !
" kutta mar gaya rajaai mein
apun paagal ho gaya teri judaai mein
haathi nadi mein beh nahi sakta
apun teri bina reh nahin sakta ! " (alby)

(9) " dur ho kar kareeb rehne ke aadat hai
yaad ban kar , aankhon se behne ki aadat hai
paas na hokar, kareeb paaoge,
hame ehsaas ban kar, rehne kee aadat hai " (munawar)

(10) In 1980, IDBI rejected loan to Ambani. 29 years later, Mukesh Ambani is trying to buy IDBI ! Proves, ' nothing is impossible !' .

jox : 24.Dec.2009

2009-12-25T09:27:00.000-08:00

1. " ishq ke sahaare jiya nahin karte
ghum ke piyaalon ko piya nahin karte
kuch nawarzahde dost hain hamaare
jis ko agar sms na karo
tho woh bhi sms kiya nahin karte ( paki)

2. " tumhara hamara rista
aankhon aur palkon ka hai
agar palak kuch der na jhapke
tho aankhen ro deti hain
agar aankhon mein kuch aa jaaye
tho palak tadap uthi hain (munawar)

3. The heights you attain depend on the depths of your roots. (Daffo)

4. Gehre rehti hai mujhe ek aankhon ki khushbu
teri yaadon se har saans sajaa lee main ne
jin sheron ko sun ke woh bahut roya thaa
bas wohi ghazal, sab se chupaa lee main ne !

5.

sms jokes : 21.Dec.09.Monday

2009-12-20T22:43:00.000-08:00

(1) The difference between Bad and Worse. ' Bad' is - when your parents find - the last night's used condom in your room. ' Worse' is when - you have to EAT it , to prove that, it's chewing gum !

(2) sardar galli mein su su kar raha thaa ! Ladki dar kar ruk gayi. Sardar bola : Daro mat behen ji ! jis ko dekh kar tum dar rahi thee.. uss ko main tight pakkaD ke rakhaa ! (sreeni.prasad)

(3) A blind boy , giving sweets to all. Hostel girls come from bath room without clothes and take sweets. And ask him' kis khushi mein' ? He says : I got my eyes today ! Lesson : Fact Find is more important.

(4) Log milte hain,
All the time
pasant aatey hain
some time
aap jise milte hain
one time
jo dil mein rehte hai
life time
Allah aap ko rakhe salaamat
every time
yeh hamaari duaa hai
full time
(paaki)

(5) " ishq ke sahaare jiyaa nahin karte
ghum ke piyaalon ko piyaa nahin karte
kuch nawaabzade dost hain hamaare,
jin ko sms na karo tho
woh bhee sms kiyaa nahin karte ! (paaki)

(6)

best : baba bastard

2009-12-20T07:09:00.000-08:00

" Baba bastard ! have u any kids ?
yes saar yes saar , 3 damn kids !
1 from the neighbor
1 from the maid
1 from the call girl, to whom
I never paid !

sms jokes : 20.Dec.2009.Sunday

2009-12-20T05:22:00.001-08:00

(1) GF came home , sitting in front of BF s bicycle. When she got down, she was surprised to note that - it was ' LADIES' cycle !

(2) " When there is a fire at the whore house, some come out running, and some, run out, coming ! pun gent.

(3) Everything that irritates us about the others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves ! Assumptions are the termites of relationships !

(4) " when was the last time, some one touched that part of you, which is NOT a part of your body ? "

(5) " humein na DhoonDnaa tum / apni dil ki gehraayi mein / thanD bahut hai / hum milenge tumhe / apni rajaai mein "

(6) Funny oxy morons :

a. Clearly mis understood.
b.Exact estimate.
c.Small crowd.
d.Act naturally.
e.Found missing.
f.Fully empty.
and the mother of it all...
g.' Happily Marrried' . ( angy11)

7. How bed rooms smells after marriage ?
First 3 months - flowers and perfumes.
After 1 3 years : Baby powder, cream, lotions.
After 10 to 13 years : Vicks, Zandu Balm !

8. What does woman's vagina and a tin roof have in common ?
If you don't screw them good enough and tightly, they may land up at the neighbor's house ! (Dafs)

9. " Mujhe yaad karne mein sanam / yoon na waqt gawaaya karo / jab bhee doobnaa chaahogi meri yaadon kee saagar mein / seedhaa maikhaane mein chale aaya karo ! "

10. maana ke naseeb mein abhi mere koi sanam nahin / phir bhee koi shikhwa koi ghum nahin / tanha the aur tanha jiye ja rahe hai / bad nasib tho woh hai / jiss ke nasib mein hum nahin (kb)

11. " When egg breaks by outside force, a Life ends. When it breaks from inside, a Life begins. Great things always happen from inner force. Start the day with inner force. (habeeb)

12. " Life is like a river. Which has many turns. So, Enjoy every turn. For, these turns never return ! " (alby)

13. Ghahak to the dukaan daar : Aisa scheme do , jis mein, Rs.3,000/- ke kharedaaree par SEX free. Dukaan Daar : Lo, aap ko pathaa hee nahin thee ! Last month yeh scheme thee aur Bhaabhi ji ne 8 baar uss kaa Laabh uThaaya !

14. Sign board at a machine. " This machine has no brain. So, use your own ! "

15. Sardar. Candle with hair. Handle with care.

16. Responses during sex :
Mistress : Woh darling ! That was great.
Whore : Finish it fast, you ass !
GF : please, darl... slowly
Wife : I think.... the ceiling needs repair and painting !

16. What did Sardar do, when his girl friend asked him to ' bring protection' during the date ?
He brought with him, 2 brothers, 6 cousins, and one police inspector. The Girl faints !

17. Similarity between a college girl and a pregnant women ? Both bunk the periods !

18. Read ' Power of Positive NO' by William Ury. Suggested by Sanjay Talukdar.

19. " Kusoor nazron kaa thaa par sajaa dil ne paayi / yeh dil bahut roya jab judaai ki ghaDi aayi / woh chal diye hum se / kar ke na mil ne ke vaadaaa/ sazaa bhee de di humein aur khataa ! -syed munaawar.

20. Concepts of content development. ' Introduction to Instructional Design' published by N.I.I.T recommended by Sanjay Talukdaar.

21. hamaari miss call aaye tho samajh lena yeh meri faryaad hai / hamaari sms aaye tho samajh lena / ye meri dil ki kitaab hai / hamaari call aaye tho samajh lenaa / zaroor koi baath hai / agar kuch naa aaye tho mehsoos kar lenaa / dil bahut udaas hai ! " (paaki)

22.

sms - 06.Dec.2009

2009-12-06T09:38:00.000-08:00

(1) Pappu : My hand to eye co-ordination has really improved these days ?
chotu : How ?
Pappu : I have been reading a lot of men's special magazines.

(2) " Johnny Johnny ! Yes pappa ! Any motivation ? No pappa ! Lot of tension ? yes pappa ? Do u sleep well ? no pappa ! gaaliya from boss ? yes pappa ! What about increment ? Ha hha hha ! (malai benerjee)

(3) Naukar : aap ka koi khaas dost phone kiya hai saab !
maalik : tujhe kaisa maloom ?
naukar : pooch rahe the, ' gaandu ghar mein hai kya ? '

(4) " We are thankful to the municipal corporation for the condition of roads . Otherwise, we would have missed the view of bouncing boobs on scooties ! "

(5) Santa apne puraane boss ke ghar jaaa ke roz potty kartaa thaa. boss poocha ' aisa kyoon' ?
Santa : aap to ye saabit karne ke liye, ke aap ke naurki jaane ke baad bhee, main BHOOKA NAHIN mar rahaa hoon ssaab !

(6) " It's true that women are inclined to pick up as mates similar to their fathers. That's why their mothers cry a lot at their weddings ! "

sms jokes 16.October.2009.Friday

2009-10-16T11:04:00.000-07:00

(1) kaam waali : aap ke puraane saaDiyaan mujhe nahin chaahiye ! Maalkin : kyoon ? kaam waali : aap ke saaDi dekh kar saab mere paas bhee aana band kiye ! (ayub)

(2)" you should not give up / fight for who you are ! we have to go through the worst times in life / in order to get the best from Life ! " Frank Warren, Post Secret community.

(3) The Person who kneels before God - can stand before all. -- Angy11

(4) aap ke yaadein mere dil mein sanam / kuch iss tarah basti hain / jaise koyi choti mooh ke botal mein / koi moTi ungli fasti hain ! - sms shayar.

(5) Book Recommendation : " The Wish Maker " by Ali Sethi. Publisher : Hamish Hamilton. Rs.495/-.

(6) Son : Daddy ! What is recession ? Daddy : Simple beta ! It's ' Wife and Water' instead of Wine and Women ' ! ( raghu.bkp)

(7) 3 men were driving along the country side, when they notice a sheep, caught in a fense, with its rear legs up. Friend 1 : I wish it was Demi Moore instead of this Bakri. Friend 2 : I wish it was Mallika Sherawat. Friend 3 : I wish it was dark..... (angy11)

(8) 2 nd class boy to his class mate girl : mujhe maloom chal gaya ke bachche kaise paida hothe !
Girl, with an ace up her sleeve : mujhe yeh bhee maloom hai bachche kaise NAHIN paida hothe... ! (angy11)

sms 02.Sept.09

2009-09-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

(1) Go to YouTube. Type ' Telangana Mimicry' . You will roll out laughing. ( unnava vijay)

(2) " har khushi apni taraf moD doon / aap ke liye chaand taarein toD doon / khushiyon ke darwaaze aap ke liye khol doon ? / itnaa jhoot chalega ? yaa aur do chaar joD doon ? " (p.ramesh)

(3) " Dancing cheek to cheek , is really a form of ' Floor' play ! " (daffs)

(4) There are 4 universal problems which confound us time and again. Popularity, personal rejection, poverty and personal inadequacy ! " Alain de Botton.

(5) chingaari , angaare se kum nahin hothi / saadgee sringaar se kum nahin hothi / yeh to dekha ne kaa nazaria hai / warna, kaam waali bhee kareena se kum nahin hothi ! ' - shiney ahuja.

(6) " Personal identity is an endless process of transformation and metamorphosis" Dani Cavallaro.

(7) " The cure / permanant solution to ANY problem is - salty sweat, tears, or .... the sea " Karen Blixen / Isac Dinesan

(8) " A true fact. It's not necessary to share your everything with an intimate friend. But it's necessary that, what you share must be true ! " ( subbu bombay)

(9)

jokes 25.July.2009

2009-07-24T00:09:00.000-07:00

(1) Your talent is God's Gift to you. What you d with that Talent, is your gift back to God .

Leo Buscaglia.

his web site :

http://www.buscaglia.com/

(2) irritated friend : My wife is always willing to listen to the both sides of the argument , esp, when it's happening in the next flat !

(3) What's the one thing that all the men in singles bar have in common ? - They all are married !

(4) The result of anger is more painful than the reason for anger ! ( angy11)

jokes : 23.July.2009.Wed.

2009-07-23T05:11:00.000-07:00

(1) Arrange the scramble into words : S R N I G T I A F E A R :

clue : if you love or like someone, you will never forget this word. Challenge for you. ( Nagoor Mastaan)

(2) Why do Orgasms occur ? A : At least then, people stop fucking each other !

(3) " Laugh so hard - that even sorrow smiles at you. Live so well , that even death loves to see you alive . Fight so hard, that even fate accepts its defeat ". ( angy11)

(4) " Friends are like sketch pens. They colour the lives. I may not be your favourite colour but you may need me somewhere to complete the picture !" ( angy11)

(5) There are 2 eternities that can really break you down. Yesterday and tomorrow. One is gone and the other does not exist. So, live a great today.And live in the ' here & now'.

(6) Why do women live longer than men ? A : because , shopping doesn't create anxiety. Paying bills does ! (hitesh)

(7) " It's an illusion to feel that more comfort begets more happiness. Happiness comes out of our capacity to feel deeply, enjoy simply and .... to be needed . " - Storm Jameson.

(8) suna hai , kal raat , gunDon ne aap ke kaanpaTTi pe bandook rakh ke pooche, ' Goli maaroon ya gaand ? ' .......... I am glad that you are still alive ! (hitesh)

(9) Little girl : Aunty you have a car / bunglow / etc. What business you are in .
Lady : ' hole' sale business.

(10) " men are like rain. You will never know when they ' come', how many inches you get, and how long they last . ( sreeni.,prasad)

sms 12.July.2009.Sunday

2009-07-12T10:45:00.000-07:00

(1) Daamaad ji ek baar sasuraal gaya. gaon walon se poocha, ' idhar koi enjoy karne kaa cheez hai kyaa ? gaon walon ne jawab diya ' nahi babu ! ek thee jis ko aap le ke gaye ! ' ( angy)

(2) a boy, after having a great time with his girl friend, saw a boy's photo in her purse. " Who is this ? your ex boy friend? " . Girl replied, " No ! It's me, before the sex change operation ! " (chaava)

(3) 2 words from Sanskrit, that are strikingly similar. ' Chita' aur ' Chinta'. One burns the dead and the other burns the living. (Daffo)

(4) Success is the failure delayed. Failure is the success delayed. Neither success nor failure is permanant. Just don't quit. Play the game and play it to the end . ( angy)

(5) What is the difference between Six and Sex ? Jr.Sardar : Balla uThaa ke maare tho six. Bulla uThaa ke maare tho sex !

(6)It's not as if I did not know how to juggle things in life. But I didn't have the ' balls' to do it. - Pun Gent.

(7) Shayari from a Loyal emloyee to the HR manager : " Gham-E-Recession mein hoon / yoon naa gaand maaro hamaari / jab bahaar-E-boom ayega / tho maa ko chod doonga tumhaari ! " (Surprise ! G.V.Anand)

(8) Which type of women wear revealing clothes? A : Those who do not have confidence in the imaginative powers of men !

(9) The new question, tailors are asking these days, after gay sex is approved by Delhi high court .. " saab zip aage se rakhoon ya peeche se bhi ? " (angy)

(10) Why do Orgasms occur ? A : Otherwise, people don't stop Fucking each other !

joax : 23.June.2009

2009-06-23T07:41:00.003-07:00

(1) Boss bolta hai team mates se : " is month jo sales topper rahega, usse, lund chuswaane ka mauka milega ! Team Mates : par choosega kaun ? Boss : jo woh mahine mein sub se least sales karega ! ( P.Ramesh)

(2) " Girl Friend chaahe kitni bhee buri ho, usse sambandh mat toDna. Kyoon ki, paani chaahe kitna bhee gandaa ho jaaye, par aag bhujaa ne ke liye kaam zaroor aayenge ! " ( P.Ramesh)

(3) Know your English in The Hindu , Archieves , here !

(4) " When wind blows strongly, some build a wall of protection , while others build windmill for generating energy. It's your attitude that turns a difficulty into an opportunity ! "

(5) " Every test in our life makes us better or bitter. Every problem comes, to make or break us. Choice is ours. Whether we become a victim or victor ! "

(6) Book : " Burnt shadows " by Kamila Shamsie. Publishers : Bloomsbury. distributed by : Penguin. pages : 367. Rs.425/-. Period : set between Nagasaki bombing to 9/11. pictured on a huge canvass.

(7) " Sab ki kahaani / hamaari zubaani / umar bhar ye hee galti karte rahe / dhool thee chehere pe / aur hum aayinaa saaf karte rahe ! "

(8) " Mulla power or military power ? The Paki paradox. A nuclear power with no clear power ! "

(9)2 words. Chinta. And Chita. Chita marne ke baad jalaati hai aur chinta, jeene waale ko jalaatee hai. (daffo)

(10) Scribe asked Dorothy Parker : " Your friend had several pre-marital conceptions and many abortions. You could have advised ? Dorothy : " My friend can speak 18 languages but can't say ' no' in any one of them ! "

(11) Teacher : What is the difference between Six and Sex ? Jr.Santa : Balla uThaa ke maare tho, Six. Bulla uThaa ke maare tho Sex ! (angy)

(12) " Friends are like sketch pens. They colour our lives. I may not be your fav colour. But you may need me somewhere to complete the picture ! " ( angy)

(13) Why do orgams occur ? A : Otherwise , people won't stop FUCKING each other !

joax : 23.June.2009

2009-06-23T07:41:00.001-07:00

11.Feb.09.Wed

2009-02-11T03:45:00.000-08:00

(1) If it weren't for pick pocketers, I wouldn't have any sex life at all ! Rodney Dangerfield.

(2)Book : The Gift - by Cecelia Arhen.

(3) " ek jaise dost, saare nahin hothe / kuch hamaare ho kar bhi , hamare nahin hothe / aap se dosti karne ke baad messoos hua / kaun kehta hai ? zameen par taare nahin hothe ? ( kb)

(4) A republic, without a 'pub' in it, will be a mere Relic ! - C.K.Daftary, former Attorney General of India.

(5) Khuda ne sapne mein kaha ...

apne ghamon ko yoon numaish na kar
apne naseeb ki tum ajmaish na kar
jo tera hai , wo tera dar pe khud aayega
roz roz usse paane ki khwaaish na kar ! " (kb)

(6) " Though passion may have strained, it should not break our bonds of affection ! " Lincoln 1861.

(7) " Man builds no structure that outlives a book " ( dialogue from ' Stanley & Me', an old movie featuring Robert de Nero

(8) " We find comfort in the company of those who agree with us and growth, in the company of those who don't " Frank A. Clarke.

(9) " Average woman would rather have beauty than brains ; because average man can see better than he thinks ! "

(10)
har panchi ko
ghar jaana paDta hai
be-maut ishq mein
mar jaana paDtaa hai
dilruba kee gussa bhi ajeeb hai
binaa baat ke bhee
Dar jaana paDta hai ( kb)

(11) nahin karte hai hum
wafaa kee ummeed
har dum bewafaai jo hum ne paai hai
jo kal tak saath nibhaane ki vaade karti thee
aaj shaam uss ki sagaai hai !

(12) Alphabet O stands for opportunity. 'yesterday' has none. 'Today' has one. Tomorrow has 3 ! Do not regret yesterday. Grab the one today. Prepare for the 3 tomorrow. ( Hitesh)

(13) What's the difference between Ghazal and a Lecture ? When your girl friend coes, it's a Ghazal. When your wife tells you something, it's a lecture !

(14) Boy, in a highly romantic mood with his girl friend ! " I want to be a part of your body ! "
Girl : " No thanks ! I already have an ass-hole ! "

(15) Kisi ko palkon pe mat biThaao / wahaan sirf sapne baste hain
biThaao tho dil mein / jahaan sirf apne baste hain ! " (kb)

(16) What's the difference between a coffee shop and a wine shop ? All love stories start at the coffee shop and end at the wine shop ! ( angy)

30.Jan.2009.Fri

2009-01-30T00:29:00.000-08:00

(1) Woh aankhon mein ashk liye baithi hai / hum un ke pyaar mein, paagal ban ke baithe hain / hum un ke pyaar mein / paagal ban ke baithe hain / hum tho apni jaan dene ko taiyaar hai / par kyaa karen ? woh hamraai JAAN BAN KE baithe hain !!? ( KB)

(2) safar lambaa hai , dost banaate chalo, dil mile naa mile , haath milaate chalo / taj mahal mat banao , costly paDega / har gali mein ek / mumtaaz banaate chalo ! ( KB)

(3) " Sometimes we struggle through bitter coffee till the last sip / only to discover the sugar crystals lying at the bottom / That's life ! / sweetned / but not stirred well enough ! " (angy)

(4)

sms 28.Dec.2009.sunday

2008-12-28T09:12:00.001-08:00

(1) Do amazon search on (a)Kurt Vonnegut (b) Peter Shaffer and (c) Anthony Burgess.

(2) " na woh inkaar karti hai /na woh ikraar karti hai / zaalim mere sapnon mein aa ke / mere hee dost se / pyaar karti hai ! " (alb)

(3) Amzon and wiki search : " Jorge Luis Borges, the master craftsman of the short story in the 20 th century ! "

(4) When you face great challenges, tell yourself, " If I can't (overcome), who can ? " . After your success, be humble, tell yourself " If I could, who can't ? " (kb)

(5) " Rishte bante hain oopar waaleh ki duniya mein / hum sirf uss ko nibhaana jante hain / pataa nahin doosra janam ki baare mein / magar dosti aap ki / har janam mein nibhaana chaahte hain ! " (kb)

(6) " If you focus on results, you will never change. But if you focus on change, you will get results ! " (kb)

(7) What's the difference between Man and condom ? A : Condoms have changed with times. And technology. They are no longer thick and insensitive !

(8) " How do I get the best out of life ? " Inner Voice answered : Face your past without regret. Handle your Present with confidence. Prepare for your future without fear. Keep faith and drop fear. Never doubt your beliefs. Never believe in your fears. " (vvrk)

(9) Santa : I can read a woman like a book. Banta : Oh ! In which language ? Santa : Braille !

(10)

25.Dec.2008.Thu

2008-12-25T08:43:00.000-08:00

(1) Even a small dot can stop a big sentence but... a few more dots can give it a continuity. Every end can be a new beginning. Enjoy your day.

(2) " Nicest place to be is in someone's thoughts. The safest place to be is - in someone's prayers. you are in both! Merry Christmas ! " (alby)

(3) One sign is a civilized society is - when it gives a second chance to its erring citizens. Another sign is - the way society treats those it hates ! - Jetmalani / Harsha Bhogle

(4)" How to read faster and recall more " by Gordon Wainwright. Mac Millan India. Rs.195/-

(5) " What do you call a cattle with sense of humour ? " " A laughing stock ! (58888)

(6) " Fareb ko aashiqui samajh baiThe / holi ko deewali samajh baiThe / andheri mein haath jo thaama hum ne / ke paDosan ko ghar waali samajh baiThe "

(7) " Both positive thinkers and negative thinkers are required by the world. While the optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist invented the parachute ! " unknown.

(8) Ek sardaar ke sapne mein kisi ne uss ke gaand maar di ! 2nd day sardaar ne apne bank account ko close karwa diya ! kyon ki bank mein likha tha ' hum aap ke sapno ko HAQEEKAT mein badal denge ! "

(9) " When you try something, there is a POSSIBILITY of failure ! When you don't try anything, there is a GUARRANTEE of failure ! So, choose your option ! "

(10) Remember, when you are headed for a wrong direction, God allows you U-turns ! " (kb)

(11) " Be soft and cool like water. So that you can adjust anywhere in life. Be hard like a diamond. So, no one can play with your emotions ! " ( hitesh)

(12) " What is the difference between a man and a condom ? " A : Condoms have changed with times ! They are no longer thick and insensitive ! "

(13) " If you focus on results, you can never change. If you focus on change, you will get the results ! " (kb)

21.Dec.2008.Sun

2008-12-20T11:00:00.000-08:00

(1) A successful person is one who can lay foundation with the bricks others thrown at him ! ( kb)
(2) When you face challenges, tell yourself, " if I can't , who can ? " After you win, be humble , and say ' If I can, who can't? " ( kb ; send2bmos)
(3) Why do Sindhi s watch a porn movie in rewind mode ? They get excited when they see prostitutes returning the money ! (sreeram)
(4)

sms.jokes.20.Dec.08.Sat

2008-12-19T21:54:00.000-08:00

(1) Any idea where are ‘Lehman Sisters’ ? Let’s find them out and do to them what Lehman brothers have done to us ! (alby)

(2) What is the similarity between Election and Erection ? dono mein ‘ ummeedwaar’ ‘khaDa ‘ hotha hai !

(3) “ I may be walking slowly but never walking backwards” Ab Lincoln. “ When ever I take a walk backwards, it’s for a Long Jump ! “ Carl Lewis. ( ramesh.p)

(4) Smallest Joke ! “ Digambar vastra bhanDaar ! “

(5) What is the opposite of laughter ? SEX ! Laughter : ha ha ha ! Sex : Ah Ah Ah ! (Hitesh)

(6) Hyderabad Girls hostel mein phone aaya! ‘ Salma hai kya ? ‘ Warden : Here are 7 Salma s here ! Aap ka salma peeche kyaa lagaati ? ( surname) . Salma ka balma : patha nahin madam ji. Iss se pehle tho ‘ Vaseline’ lagaathi thee …(alb)

(7) Sardar ki blood test hui. Rui nahin mili isi liye nurse uss ka ungli mooh pe lagaati. Sardar smiling. Nurse : Why ? Sardar : iss ke baad mera URINE test bhee hai !

(8) “ Life gives answers in 3 ways. If says yes, it gives you what you want. If it says No, it gives you something better ! If it says ‘ wait’ , it gives you the best ! (kb)

(9) Yoon tho hain hum, Brahma chaari ! / magar jahaan dekhi naari, wahaan aankh maari / paT gayi tho hamaari / varnaa phir se brahmachaari ! (alb)

(10) Santa : I can read a woman like a book ! “ Banta : in Which language ? Santa : BRAILLE ! (alb)

sms jokes : 18.Dec.2008.Wed

2008-12-18T06:31:00.000-08:00

(1) Harold Bloomfield - author of ' Making Peace with the past' , do net/amazon search.

(2) Jeevan ke har sthiti mein hamare paas 2 raaste hothe hain (a) Bhaag lo ( participate) aur (b) 'bhaag' lo ( run away) (Ramesh.P)

(3) " imagination is everything. It's the preview of life's coming attractions ! " ( alberta)

(4) " jab dosti ki dastaan waqt sunaayega / hum ko bhi ek shaks yaad aayega / tab bhool jayenge zindagi ka gamon ko / jab aap ke saath gujraa waqt yaad ayega ! " ( alberta)

(5) " A promising young man should join politics so that, he can go on promising for the rest of his life ! " ( indiatimes joke)

(6) " Every married man keeps wondering every evening, whether to watch chicks he can't fuck or go home and fuck what he can't look at ! " ( sub bomb)

(7) " Husband and wife watching boxing match. One of the boxer is knocked out in the first round itself, in ONE minute ! Husband comments : ' Disgusting ! It's all over in one minute ! "
Wife : ' Now you know how I feel' ?

(8) Who said 'open' and 'close' are words with opposite meaning ? you are open with only those who are close to you ! ( alby)

(9)

sms jokes : 24.Nov.2008.Sunday

2008-11-23T10:45:00.000-08:00

(1) Solve this puzzle : " I live in water. If you cut my head, I am at your door. If you cut my tail, I am a fruit. If you cut both, then, I am with u. " Find out who am I ? ( from Annaji. Still not found ! )

(2) " Men marry women with the hope that they will never change. Woman marry men with the hope that they would change. In the end, both will be disappointed ! "

(3) " Suhaag raat dulha bola, ' jaaneman ! main tumhe chaand pe le jaaon ya taaron par ? " dulhan boli, " pehele aap rocket ko bataao tab hee bol sakoongi ! "

(4) Net Search : Amphetamine tablets. ( from Jean Paul Sartre's book)

(5) Suman.K 's web site : www.indiadiksuchi.com

(6) suggested by K.V.S.N.Prasad

http://www.free-press-release.com

for all consolidated industry reports

(7) shaadi hone ke ek hafthe ke baad dulhan ki maa phone kar ke poochi, ' beti ! meri dee hui saree peheni kyaa ? kaisi thi ?
Dulhan : kyaa boloon maa ? tera daamaat ab tak cheddi tak pehen ne nahin de raha tha ? saree kyaa peheno?

(8) Just dial's new phone numbers :
040. ( or any city code)
6999.99.99

17.Nov.2008

2008-11-17T05:45:00.000-08:00

(1) Indian : Sir, we got a huge order from Paki s ; for 16 inch condoms ! I think it’s to embarrass us ! Captain : Don’t worry, stamp ‘ small size’ on them and ship them !
(2) Dif between Power and Stamina : KhaDe Lund par towel khaDaa karna power hai. Aur sukhaane tak lund ko khaDa rakhna Stamina hai ! Don’t try at home !
(3) From Rafiq Trainer : Free Heart surgery for children : Sri Sathya Sai institute of medical sciences, Bangalore : Phone : 080.2841.1500.
(4) Alcohol contains female hormones. Proof : Men gain weight , talk unnecessarily, become extra emotional and stupid, start fighting without any reason ! ( Prasad valvoline)
(5) “ Tumhaari wife jab ghoom huva tho police ko kyoon nahin bataaya ? Banta : Jab mera scooter ghoom ho gayi thee, police walon ne find our kare magar 15/20 din istemaal kar ke, ragad ragad ke diye ! “
(6) Read “ 5 th discipline “ and ‘ 5 th discipline field book ‘ by Peter Senge. Also check ‘ society for organizational learning’ on the net ( Kavi’s recommendation).
(7) Biz and Economy subscription number : BE 3268.
(8) If you had sex 365 times a year, what would you do ? burn all the condoms, make a tyre out of it, and call it ‘ Good year’.
(9) Visit ‘ way2sms.com’
(10) “ Importance of Unity : “ What did a girl’s left leg say to her right leg ? “ “ United , we stand, divided, we are fucked ! “

24.July.2008 to 15.Nov.2008

2008-11-17T05:16:00.000-08:00

(1) “ ZeroDegree “ by Charu Nivedita. Translated from Tamil to English. Blaft Publications. Pages : 232. Price : Rs.315/-. “ ( a novel that takes you apart and allows yourself as you please )
(2) “ Employee Empowerment is like emperor’s new clothes, which everyone talks about but no one actually sees. “ Chris Argyris, U.S. Biz professor.
(3) “ agar aap ki shakal ghadhe se milti hai / tho isme bataao / bechaari ghadhe ka kyaa galtee hai ? “
(4) “ Poverty is contagious. You can catch it from envy-ron-ment. “ pun-gent.
(5) Lund pe aitbaar kisko hai ? mil jaaye tho chod ne ko tho inkaar kis ko hai ? / kuch mushkilein hain choot pane mein hai dost ! / warnaa mooth maarne mein pyaar kisko hai ? “
(6) “ Art is the collaboration between God and artist. And the less the artist does, the better! “ Andre Gide.
(7) Lady : yeh Sadee mein agar mujhe ek bhee Ched ( hole) dikhaa, tho main sadee waapas kar doongi ! Shop wallah : Madam ji pehle aap ched to dikhaao, main poori saadi aap ko free mein doonga !
(8) A shoe that fits one person’s foot, can be a real pain to another person. There is no universal formula for anyone to enjoy life.Each one has to find his / her own.” Carl Gustaf Jung.
(9) “ Who ever named it ‘ necking’ , was a very poor judge of anatomy ! “ Groucho Marx.
(10) “ Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor, campaign funds from the rich, with a promise to protect them from each other. “
(11) “ Life is too short / so love the people who treat you right / forget the ones who don’t / if life gives you a chance, take it / if it changes your life, LET it / no one said it would be easy / but everyone said it would be worth it ! “ George Carlin Song.
(12) “ A séance on a Sunday after noon “ a collection of 22 exquisite short stories. Authored by Ms.Shinie Antony. Publisher : Rupa & Co. Rs.195/-
(13) On giving speech : “ If you don’t strike oil in the first 3 minutes, stop boring ! “ Paul Getty.

sms 24.July.2008 -> 24.June.2008

2008-07-24T10:33:00.000-07:00

(1) Ladki kaa baap : kyaa tum mere beti se sach much pyaar karte ho , pichla 5 mahine se ?

Ladka : haan ! sach much.

Ladki ka baap : kyaa proof ?

Ladka : aur 4 mahine ruko, tumhe khud ba khud pata chal jayega !

(2) Book : " It's not easy being me : a lifetime of no-respect but plenty of sex " by Rodney Dangerfield.

(3)

24.june.2008.

2008-06-23T23:39:00.000-07:00

(1) yaadon kaa matlab woh kyaa jaane / jo yaadon ko khud miTaa diyaa karthe hain / yaadon ma matlab unn se poocho / jo yaadon ke sahaare jiyaa karthe hain ! ( hitesh)

(2) " happiness is like Radio Station. Broadcasting all the time. you just have to learn to how to tune and receive your favourite channel. Happy Tuning ! " ( Kiran.B)

(3) " Most problems in life are because of 2 reasons. One, acting without thinking and second, thinking and thinking without acting ! " ( Kiran.B)

(4) " Adolescence is nature's way of preparing parents for an empty nest ! " ( picked from Naresh' blog)

(5) " All games of chance - contain an element of skill. All games of skill, contain an element of chance. Life is a game combining both. Enchance your skill by accepting the chance elements ! " ( picked from thiagi.com, when I was searching for training games)

(6) " Dependence and independence are BOTH extremes. The reality is in between. Inter-dependence " - Osho. ( sent by malli)

(7) shayad woh mera pyaar ko taste karnaa bhool gayi / dil se aisa cut kar daali / ke phir se paste karna bhool gayi ( daily shayari)

(8) One Jr.Trainer to Sr. Trainer " Sir, you said we can use a good joke as an ice-breaker. So, I showed the trainees, my pay cheque ! Wrong, sir ? " ( glasbergen)

(9) A sexy woman is like a Rs.1,000/- note. No matter how many have used it in the past, no matter how crumpled it looks, you still wanna have it !

(10) Jiss ne soch samajh kar shaadi kee / woh jeevan bigaaD liyaa / aur jo badi chaturaayi se shaadi kee / bhalaa woh kyaa uKhaad liya ?

(11) " A good friend is a connexion to life, a tie to the past , a road to the future, and a key to Sanity in this totally insane world " - Lois Wys ( search net)

(12) " dosti ko dil se churaaya aap ne / dur rehte huye bhi / apnaa banaya aap ne / kahin bhool nahin paaye hum aap ko / kyoon ki yaad rakhnaa bhi sikhaaya aap ne ! "

(13) " Faults are thick when love is thin ! " anon.

(14) A young sexy star married a rich old businessman. NDTV interviews her. ' why did you marry him' ? Starlet : " Pehle, unn ke income. doosri, unn ke din, kum ! "

(15) Teacher : CAN YOU explain the process of digestion ? Student : it starts with the left hand, ends with the right hand.

(16) " teer se nahin ghaayal huye hum / teri nazar se shayar huye hum / itni naadaani mehfil mein le aayi tum / ke teri hee saheli pe kaayal huye hum ! " ( masha allah!)

(17) A hammer shatters glass but forges steel. Are we made of glass or steel, it's the same hammer which shatters us or forges us. Just as carbon determines the quality of steel, charactar determines the quality of the person. ( kpvk)

(18) " In praise of step mother" by Mario Varghass Llosa.

(19) Jaate huye tum koyi nishaani de gaye / umar bhar yaad aaye / aise kahaani de gaye / hum to reh gaye pyaase / par hamaari palkon mein tum paani de gaye !

(20) Mom : You know the meaning of Mangal Sutra ? Daughter : Yes, it's a license for the Kama Sutra.

24.April.2008 to

2008-04-24T00:12:00.000-07:00

(1) Manish Bhayani Phone number : 099872.49482

(2)Paane se khone ka mazaa kuch aur hai / Band aankhon se dekh ne ka maza kuch aur hai / aasu bane lafz aur lafz bane ghazal / yaadon ke sahaare jeena kaa mazaa kuch aur hai !

(3) mere mobile ko sukoon mil gaya / empty inbox mein sms kaa phool khil gaya / aap ka sms thaa yaa kele kaa chilka ? / dekh the hee meraa dil pisal gaya ! ( KB)

(4) (a) Pray as if everything depended on God and work as if everything is depended on you (b )To handle yourself, use your head ; to handle others, use your heart (c) Do not lose head in success and heart in failure (d)If you do not stand for something, you'll fall for anything (e)Beauty and color attract eyes but only charactar appeals to the heart. ( s. vijay kumar)

(5) " God has added one more day in your life ; not because you need it but because others need it ! " ( hitesh)

(6)A bird sitting on the branch is not afraid of branch shaking underneath ; because the bird trusts NOT the branches but its own wings. Trust youself and be peaceful.

(7) Look at these stocks : Berger Paints / Birla Corp / Bharath Bijlee / Cadilla health care / FAG bearings / Greaves Cotton / ICSA India / NIIT Tech / SKF India / Ratnamani Metals and tubes / Taj GVK Hotels / NALCO / Nuclear Software Exports.

(8) Similarity between Election and Erection : dono mein ummeedwar khada hotha hai.

(9)

(8

20.Feb.2008 to 31.March.2008.

2008-03-30T21:48:00.000-07:00

(1)aasuoon ko bahuth samjhaya / yoon na aaya karo mehfil mein / hamara mazaak udaaya na karo / iss par aasu bole /mehfil mein tujhe akele dekh ke / hum chale aathe hain

(2) There are 2 primary choices in life. Accept conditions as they exist or accept the responsibility to change them ( kpvk4u)

(3) khushi ki baraath hothi hai / jab aap se baath hothi hai / jab bhi busy rahe yeh mobile mera/ tho samajh lena / aap ki salaamat ke liye khuda se meri baath hothi hai

(4) jaathe huye tum ne koyi nishaani de gaye / umar bhar yaad aaye waisi kahaani de gaye / hum tho reh gaye pyaase /par hamaari palkon ko tum paani de gaye !( kiran B)

(5) har kisi ki kismath mein tasvir nahin hothi / har kisi ki ek jaisi taqdeer nahin hothi / aur bhi hain hum jaise , duniya mein bad-naseeb / jin ki haathon mein mohabbat ki lakeer nahin hothi(kb)

(6) Qayamath tak tujhe yaad karenge / teri har baatho par aitbaar karenge / tujhe sms karne ko nahin kahenge / par fir bhi tere sms kaa intezaar karenge. .. ( kb)

(7) Banta to wife : it's a shame but let me admit, I'm a homo-sexual. Wife :How come ? Banta : I have sex at home only, na? Wife : Thank God I'm not a homo !

(8) Ek aadmi chilla rahaa thaa.. " sher kaa pinjraa Rs.20/- mein, sher kaa pinj raa bees rupayye mein/ woh actually men's underwear bech raha thaa ! (kpvk)

(9) Net search : " Kenneth Arrow " economist who tried to strike a balance between fairness and efficiency.

(10) What's the similarity between Clinton and Carpenter ? One wrong screw and the whole cabinet falls down !! ( Ramesh P)

(11) Net Search : George Akerlof the economist.

(12) Dekh tere Lulle ki haalath kyaa ho gayi insaan !? / uss mein bachi nahin ab jaan / boobs dikhaaya chooth dikhaayi aur dikhaayi gaand / fir bhi uthaa nahin shaitaan !! ( hitesh)

(13) Khayamath tak teri yaad karenge / teri har baathon par aithbar karenge / tujhe sms karne ko nahin kahenge / phir bhi tere sms ka intezaar karenge !

(14) Likhne se pehele salaam karte hain / daryed-e-dil se paigaam karte hain / yeh mat samajh naa bhool gaye hain hum / yaad aap ko subah shaam karte hain !

(15) kisi ko mohabbat ki sacchayi maar / kisi ko mohabbat ki geheraayi maar daalegi / kar ke mohabbat koyi bach naa saka / jo bach gaya usse tanhaayi maar daalegi !

(16) paane se khone kaa mazaa kuch aur hai / band aankhon se dekh ne ka mazaa kuch aur hai / aasu bane lafz aur lafz bane ghazal /yaadon ke sahaare jeene kaa mazaa kuch aur hai !

(17) mere mobile ko sukoon mil gaya / empty inbox mein sms kaa phool khil gayaa / aap kaa sms thaa yaa kele kaa chilkaa ? / jisse paDthe hee meraa dil pisal gayaa ! "

(18) Lady to shopwalah : Do you tell me why this tiny handbag is so expensive ? Shopkeeper : This is made of male penis skin. When a lady touches it , it becomes a suitcase !!

(19) A single finger which wipes out tears during failure - is much better than 10 fingers which applause during victory

(20) Bruce Lee : I am not afraid of a fighter who knows 10,000 kicks. But I'm afraid of that fighter who practiced one single kick 10,000 times.

(21) Kala Srinivas email ID : kala_cnu81@yahoo.com

(22) " Life is beautiful . Conditions Aplply ! "

(23) Jin ke paas hai woh haath mein le kar hilaate hain / jin ke paas nahin hai , woh ungli daal ke hilaathe hain / Bolo kya ? / Tooth Brush ! Think straight at least once in a while !

(24) " Shaam kaa nashaa utraa nahin / raath ki jaam aa gayi / raat kaa nasha utaraa nahin /subah ki chai aa gayi !

(25) Don't get upset with little jerks in life. Because Life is like a road and problems are like speed breakers. They save us from big accidents. So , enjoy life.

(26) Man to sexy air hostess : What's your name ? Hostess : Benz. Man : Like mercdes Benz. What's the similarity ? Air Hostess : Same price sir !!

(27) Net search : Jerry Zezima. Journo. create new order. com.

(28) dur hai aap se, tho kuch gham nahin / dur reh kar bhi bhulaane waale hum nahin / roz mulaakhat na ho paaye tho kyaa huaa ? / aap ki yaad mulaakhaat se kum nahin !

(29) Do you know the meaning of ' morning' ? ' morning' means ' one more' innings given by God, to play and win. So, good morning and have a god day.

(30) Santa : Chatri aur Chokri mein kyaa faraq hai ? Banta : Chatri ko, button dabaa kar khol te hain ; where as chokri ko, button khol kar dabaana paDthaa hai !

(31) Parents to college watchman : Is this college good. Watchman : ek dum first kilaas. mujhe course complete karte hee iss mein immediate placement milaa !!

(32)

Till 20.Feb.2008

2008-02-20T09:52:00.000-08:00

(1) Who said, ' open' and ' close' are opposite words? They are actually synonyms ! You will OPEN up with only those who are CLOSE to you !
(2) Suggested reading : " Touchstones " by Mario Varghass Llosa. On every thing. Peru politics, Gunter Grass, Iraq, and a lot more.
(3) vsunnava@yahoo.com . Unnava Vijaya Sarathi.
(4) Lash paani mein kyoon float hothi hai ? Kyoon ki, doob ne ke liye bhi zindagi chahiye !
(5) jise uss ki zindagi se pyaar hai / kahin uss ki maut sasti tho nahin ? / yahan har koyi marne ke liye tayyar hai / kahin yeh aashiquon ki basti tho nahin ?
(6) Rafiq Trainer's website : http://www.atcs.in . his email ID : everindian@yahoo.com
(7) na khairiyat na koyi paigaam aaya hai / jo nahin chaha , wahi anjaam aaya hai / kyaa hum ko bhulaa baithe ho janaab ?/ aaj na koi dua na koi salaam aaya hai !! ?
(8) What is the main difference between man and woman ? Women must play hard to get ; men must get hard to play ! ( hitesh)
(9) God has 4 gifts to us : 1. A key to every problem (2) A Light on every shadow. (3) A plan for every tomorrow (4) A joy for every sorrow. (hitesh)
(10) What is fashion designing ? Too many brains working on too little clothes, with too many ideas on how to cover too little areas !! ( annaji.r)
(11) On a nude beach, a man shakes hand with a woman and says, with all chivarlry, ' pleased to meet you ! " Woman : Oh yes ! I can see THAT ! (ramesh.p)
(12) " Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person - is just like expecting the lion not to attack you because you are a vegetarian ! " ( kiran B)
(13) AIDS awareness campaign : Try different positions with the same woman rather than trying the same position with different women ! Pass on this message to all careless fuckers you know ! ( veera balajee)
(14) A failure should never be taken to heart ; a success should never be taken into head ( nicky)
(15) phoolon mein sugandh hai / guide mein devanand hai / jasoos mein karamchand hai / kya aap ke haath mein kisi kaa Lund Hai? / nahi tho, sms achaanak kyoon band hai ? ( nicks)
(16) Muskaan aap ke honton mein kahin jaaye na / aasoon aap ki palkon mein kabhi aaye na / pura ho aap ki har khwab / aur jo pura na ho vaisa khwab kabhi aaye na ! (malli)

sms jokes : 31.Dec.2007

2007-12-31T03:19:00.000-08:00

(1) Ghalib ko kya patha / period kya hotha ? / ghalib ne samjha / chooth bhi kabhi paan chabatha !!

(2) Dorothy Parker, " Fuckin Busy and vice versa, ' Busy fucking'.

(3)kutub minar ko dekh kar
shayar ka dimaag yoon dauDa
aasmaan chod ne ko,
Zameen se uTha lauDa !

(4) Man without hands and legs, knocked the door of a Nymphomanic. Lady : maha maha macho men could not satisfy me! How could you, possibly ?
Man : I agree Madam ! I have no hands and legs. But just what do you think I knocked the door with ?

(5)Ladki 1 : Tum honey moon mein kahan kahan gaye ?
Ladki 2 : Shimla, Darjeeling , kodai canal, Ooty.
Ladki 1: Wahan kya kya dekhi , tum ne ?
Ladki 2 : Ceiling Fan !!

(6) Yaaden aur waaden mein faraq kya hai ?
Waaden : insaan toDthe hain ! aur yaadein, insaan ko toDte hain !

(7) " Dosti nazaaron se hothe,
tho usse ' khudrat' kehte hain
sitaaron se hothe, tho
usse ' zannat' kehte hain
husn se hothi, tho
usse ' mohabbat ' kehte hain
aur aap se hothe, tho
usee ' KISMAT' kehte hain !

(8) What similarity do Boss and Sperm have ? Both have ' one in a million chance' of becoming a human being.

(9) The only person who likes to see a woman ' fully covered' is her insurance agent !

07 nov 07

2007-11-07T20:54:00.000-08:00

(1) is computer mouse, a male or a female ? It's a female. For , it has a pad.

(2) Shaggy dog bites Santa. But Santa offers it a pedigree biscuit ! Banta : Oye, Gandhi giri hai kya ? Santa : nahi yaar. iss kaa mooh kahan hai maloom ho ne de ; taaki iss kaa gaand maar sakoon !

(3) I am thankful to the STONES that came in my way to success ; after achieving my goal, they became my milestones !

(4) Art of friendship is like playing a musical instrument. First , you must learn to play by rules. Later, you must forget the rules and play by your heart !

(5) Life is like a dick. It starts fucking you, once it becomes hard.

(6) Similarity between a prostitute and peanut butter : both spread for bread !

(7) Advt by a panty manufacturers : " We are not the best things on earth ; but we are next to best things on earth ! "

(8) Post office issued stamps with women's breasts , on women's awarenes week ! Men are confused, as to which side to lick !

9) There is no A in alphabets , till the number thousand ! Success required patience !

(10) Difference between a person committing suicide and a virgin ? One , trying to die ; another, dieing to try !

(11) Difference between your girl friend and wife : If your girl friend touches your hair, your cock stands ; if your wife touches your cock , your hair stands !!

(12) Ladki 1 : Tum honey moon mein kahaan kahaan gayi thi ? Ladki 2 : Shimla , darjeeing , kulu-manaali etc.
Ladki 1 : wahaan kya kya dekhi thi ?
ladki 2 : Ceiling Fan !!

(13) true relationship got layers like onion. We may not be able to count the layers ; but when we try to cut it , we get tears in our eyes

(14) Memories are confounding ! They make you laugh - when you remember the times you cried together ; but they make you cry when you remember the times you laughed together !

(15) Wife : Sapne mein bahuth lund dikhe !
Hub : Mera dikha ?
wife : thaa tumhara bhee, kone mein chotaa saa, laTak raha tha..
(hub ; grinding his teeth in anger)
Hub : main ne bhee sapne mein bahuth chooth ka mela dekhaa
wife : mera dikhaa tha kya ?
hub : poora mela tumhare uss mein hee tha!

(16) Girl checking her weight. 58 kg. Removes Sandles : 56 kg. Removes sweater : 55 kg. Then dupatta : 53 kg. Coins finished. Boy behind her : madam ji aap nikaal the hee jayiye ! You carry on I keep coining !

(17) Bihaar mein ek school mein bacche ki papa ne teacher se kaha : " Madam ji thoda aap kosis kijiye ; thoda hum kosis karenge ; baccha tho bahar nikal hee jayega ! "

(18) What is the similarity between exotic food and erotic sex ? A : Both are not availale at home !!

(19)

06 nov 2007

2007-11-07T20:48:00.000-08:00

(1) Factory workers play foot ball. Managers play tennis. Directors play Billiards. CEO s play Golf. Moral of the story : as people go up, their balls becomes smaller.

(2) kabir khada bazaar mein / dekh oont ko royi / unti oonchi gaand ko / maar sake na koyi ?

(3) The world survives by those , who have generosity of spirit. But it is owned by those , who have none !

(4) Int statistical survey says, 42 % of girls want pre-marital sex. But my question is - where are they ? Their names and phone numbers ?

(5) Being over the hill is better than being under it. It's better to be pissed off - than to be pissed on !

(6) In prayer, you talk to the divine spirit. In meditation , divine spirit speaks to you.

(7)

To dec 2006 from August 2006

2006-12-23T03:07:00.000-08:00

(1) The only biggest room in the world is - the room for improvement.

(2)hoton pe khushi par aakhon mein nami hai / mere cell mein jaise aap ki sms ki kami hai / aap ke paigam ke intezar mein meri saans jami hai / kafa ho hum pe ya balance ki kami hai ?

(3)Do you know that is full form of HAPPY ? Hum Aap ko Pal Pal Yaad karthe hai !!

(4) Begger to a couple walking and talking " ek paanch rupaiah daan karo sundari ! andhaa hoon ! " Husband : de do de do ! agar tumhe ' sundari' bola - tho waakhai andhaa hai !

(5)Life is like a piano ! White keys are happy moments. Black keys are like sad moments. But then, only when they are played together, you get melodious , rhythmic music ! ( goldsmith arun)

(6) Never blame a day in life. Good days give us happiness ; Bad days are ' experiences' and worst days are ' lessons'. Essential for us. ( Ramky medi)

(7)Old relationships are like gold . New relations are like diamond. But then, it takes gold, to hold diamond.

(8) Interesting facts : you can study and get any certificate - except death certificate. You can have an airtel connexion or bsnl or idea ; when you sneeze, you'll say ' HUTCH'. Mechanical engineer can become a mechanic but a software engineer cannot become a ' software'. You can find ' tea' in tea cup but you can't find the world in ' world cup'. U can find keys in key board but can't find mother in mother board. ( laxmi chaitu).

(9) A co's advt for their bras : " what ever God has forgotten , we'll fill it up with cotton ! ' (Ramana Murthy)

(10) Sardar to Maulana : aap ke bacche kitne hai ? Maulana : 11 hai. Sard : Great. Moulana : Sab allah ke haath hai. Sardar : Lungi theek karo ; allah kaa haath dikh raha hai ! ( sreeni prasad)

(11) Monkeys and girls are similar because they always fight for Bananas ; Rats and boys are the same because they search for holes . (hitesh)

(12) 'KINGFISHER' puzzle. first 4 letters, 3 letters , fish and her. ( maruthi)

(13) Lesson learnt from REcent ball tampering. Never fiddle with your balls - when Hair ( DArrel) is around ! ( P.Ramesh)

(14) School Girl : I don't want to undergo sex edu. Teacher : why ; Girl : They said, at the end, there would be an ' oral ' test. ( hitesh)

(15) kabhi yeh math socho, tumhari girl friend tumhe kitne romantic sms bheji hai / yeh socho , USSE koun sa ladka bheja hai ? ( amiruddin)

(16) " make love ; not war ; for condoms are cheaper than guns ! " hitesh

(17) Similarlity between a Bank and Bra ? " jitna maal jyaada ; utna interest jyaada!"

(18) Interviewer : you name ? Sard : Sardar Santa Singh Randhawa : Inte : your wife's name ? Sard : Rani. Int : her Whole name ? Sard : ' HOLE' ko hum koyi naam nahin rakhthe hain saab , hamare yahan ! Hum tho usse, ' chooth' kar ke bulaathe hain. ( Hitesh)

(19) Pun : All revolutions begin , when the first ' big shot ' is fired.

(20) " Everyone has a pet belief. It's called Dogma " . ( swami beyondananda)

(21) " Table talk and lovers talk - both equally elude me. Table talk is all smoke. Lovers' talk is all clouds " - Victor Hugo.

(22) " Whether God created Eve from Adam's Rib - is really a bone of Cunt-Tenstion'

(23) Secret of any good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending - and both should be as close together as possible " - Bob Hope.

(24) Woody Allen: They say , love is the answer ( for all problems) ; while i await the answer, sex stands up and asks some pretty tough questions !

(25)

june 2006 to august 2006

2006-08-12T02:17:00.000-07:00

Tragedy : Your zip gets struck when it's time for a fuck.

Heights of sophistication : sucking nipples with a straw.
Heights of frustration : Boxer trying to scrath his balls in the middle of a bout.

Teacher : Describe the process of digestion ? Student : It starts with the right hand and ends with the left hand.

Raj Kumar : Jaani ! jo jalta hai usse 'aag' kehthe hain ; kobra ko naag kehthe hain ; garden ko baagh kehthe hain ; jo tere mein absent hain, usse ' dimaag' kehthe hain !

"sms har baar karoon tho shararath hogi ; har din karoon - tho pareshani hogi ; kabhi kabhi karoon - tho kanjoosi hogi ; dil se karoon - tho shayad aap ko khushi hogi ! "

Man scratches lamp and genie appears ; man wishes / " I want the best woman and best wine in the world ! " Then appears, " Chivas Regal and Mother Theresa " Moral of the story : Be specific of what you want !

" Man who goes to bed with the problem of sex - wakes up with a 'solution ' in hand ! Pun Gent.
" A girl who enters a man's apartment in the midnight, has her titbit" Pun Gent.

If Sugreev and Waali start a fillim making company, what's the name of the company ? WANAR BROTHERS.

David Married a trafic police. Friend asked 'how was your first night' ? David answered : she collected Rs.500/- for over speeding / Rs.300/- for wrong side entry and Rs.500 for without helmet .

sardar ek indian flag khareed ne ko shop ko gaya. after seeing so many sizes, he asked the shop keeper a question , for which the shop keeper fainted ? What's the question ? " abhi doosra colours mein nahin mil saktha hai kya ? "

Where do you find mangoes ? Where ever woman-goes, man-goes !

3 Marathi women go to Chat Bhandar. 1 sst :Mujhe Chaat. 2 : Mujhe Ragada. 3 : Pehle mujhe chaat aur baad mein ragad.

Four blessed ways to Look : 1.Look back and Thank God. 2. Look forward and trust God. 3. Look around and serve God. 4. Look within and find god.

april 2006 to June 2006

2006-06-23T00:14:00.000-07:00

(1) It's a fallacy to think alcohol makes u fat. It makes you lean, against the walls / poles etc.

(2) Baarish kaa pani aur kagaz ki kashti / daaru ka botal aur redlight ki basti / yeh hai jawani aur sex do pal ki masti / condom lagana dost / yeh bulli nahi sasthi !

(3) Wife : You drunk last night and abused your boss. Hubby : piss on him. Wife : You did and you were fired. Husband : Fuck him, then. Wife : I did ,and from Monday, you can go to your job !

(4) ..... nahi galath. maruti car. ...nahi galat. Hero Honda bike. Sardar socha, interview gaya bosdi mein. " idhar baal udhar baal beech mein surakh , kya ? " Interviewer : chooth. Sardar : galath. teri maa ki choot.

(5) mAN : Give me 3 doses of viagra. Chemist : Why ? Man : 3 girls are coming home tonight. next day, man to chemist : give me iodex, for my hand. Chemist : Why ? Man : Girls did not come !

(6) : Girl, registering rape complaint : Saab, woh pehle mere saari utaari ; aur mera petti coat aur mera blowse phaara ; uss kee baad bra hatha kar mera boobs dabaye ; phir honton se mera honto aur nipples choos liyaa ; phir mera panty hathaa ke mera gaand maara ; uss kee baad uss ne mera chooth mein lund daal kar mujhe ragad ragad ke chodaa !
inspector : arre behenke laudi !! F.I.R. likhwaane aaye yaa mera lund kaa imtehaan lene aayi ?

(7) Friendship is like an onion ; it has many layers . It adds to the taste. But if you try to cut it, you get tears.

(8) Why do women close eyes during sex ? 'cos, come what may, they can't see a man happy !

(9) If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have ' branches' ?

(10) Fact of the day. When man becomes rich, he becomes naughty. When a woman becomes naughty, she becomes rich !

(11) " Lakeer kaa fuck-eer"

(12) " nostalgia is like a grammer lesson. We find the past=perfect and future-tense".

(13) Survey on woman's sleeping habits : Those who sleep on their sides are sensitive ; those who sleep on their stomoch are efficient. And those who sleep on their back and legs spread in the air - are VERY POPULAR.

(14) " wisdom tells me, I'm nothing. Love tells me, that I'm every thing. In between, my life flows. -- Sage Nisarga datta.

(15) "Being a business manager is like being a foot ball coach. You should be smart enough to understand the game but dumb enough to think it's important . "

(16) " Harm caused by sibling rivalry is RELATIVE.

(17) " Why phillips' girl friend is disappointed with him ? Ans : When she realized, that ' Phillips 14 inches, was the name of a television set ! "

(18) Middle age is when, broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places !

(19) The reason for fight between saas-bahu is ' chaddi'. Mother worked hard for 5 years to make son wear a chaddi on his own ; and bahu aa kar usse 5 seconds mein khol dethi hai !

(20) naa teer mein naa talwar mein / jo mazaa hai teri salwar mein / arre teer kya marthi ho talwar maro / teri pyar sacchi hai to salwar utaaro !

(21) ek aurath so sukhi reh ne ke liye : husband ka khada khada lund / marne ke baad insurance fund !

(22) What is heaven ? Thousands of girls and barrels of beer. What is hell. Barrels have holes but girls haven't !

(23)

Jan 2006 to April 2006

2006-04-23T04:16:00.000-07:00

(1) Sardar sees the front side of the girl's T shirt , a slogan " Handle with care ! " and next day, sardar wears a pant , with a slogan " Candle with hair ! " .

(2) Indian cricketers are like ERP packages. Underperform but always in demand.

(3) Life without friends is like boobs without nipples - ' point' less !

(4) If you are stressed, you get wrinkles. If you are angry, you get pimples. Why don't you smile and get some dimples ? keep smiling !

(5) " when we are nose to nose, my toes are in ; when we're toes to toes, my nose is in ! "

(6) Difference between a girl in church and girl in bathroom : one, soul full of hope ; another, hole full of soap ! "

(7) Lady to sardar shop keeper : what shampoo do you have ? Sardar : For your hair above, we have ' Head & Shoulders'. For your hair below, we have ' panteen'.

(8) Heights of misunderstanding : Negro singing : " paani mein bheega mera gora badan.. "

(9) Ghost to nuns : " Hocus pocus !! " Nun to ghost : forget hocus ! just pocus ! "

(10) Golden oldie : Jahaan mein aaye / kuch aisaa kar jaao khadar daan / jiss galee mein bhee aap nikle / awaz aaye ' abba jaan abba jaan' .

(11) " arre ! boobs bole tho yaad aya ... bhabhi ji kaisi hai ? "

(12) Why 95 % of girls have bigger left breast ? 'cos, above 95 % of men are RIGHT handed !

(13) Who's the first indian woman to fly abroad ? ' sita with Ravana' .

(14) Zindagi ek raat ki tarah hai / jis mein na jaane kitne khwab hai / jo mil gaya woh apna hai / jo toot gaya woh sapna hai

(15) Boy, to older man : What is retrenchment ? Old man : When you are replaced by computer at work and vibrator at home ! '

(16) At a funeral, a doctor is smiling to himself. When asked why, he says " the dead one is a cardiologist and they ahve a huge, heart shaped memorial. I am just thinking ofmy funeral. I'm a gynaec!"

(17) "naari ke chakkar mein / bhool na jaana yaari / jab laat maaregi naari / yaad aayegi hamaari / purush bachao samithi ke taraf se / yeh jan hith mein jaari

(18) TC finds ticket less travellers and fines. Girl in saree : Rs.150/-. Girl in salawr : Rs.100/-. Girl in jeans : Rs.50/- girl in mini skirt : rs.25/-. fifth girl, no fine . Why ? (she bought the ticket).

(19) " next time it rains / try to catch a few drops in your hands / the drops you catch is the amount you like me / the drops you don't / is the amount I like you "

(20) Ravan had 20 eyes and sighted only one woman. You have only 2 eyes and are sighting every woman ! asli Ravan kaun ?

Aug.2005 to Dec.2005

2005-12-21T09:18:00.000-08:00

(1) The U.S. has voted Bush as the sexiest man and Katrina as the sexiest female. No one screwed US as much as Bush and none blew it up quite like Katrina.

(2) Sardarni comes out to serve guests ; naked. When asked she replies, " In the cooking book, it says ' serve HOT, without dressing' !

(3) "Your SMS are just like woman's periods ; comes once in a month, remains for 4 or 5 days and if they didn't come, means you are fucked !!

(4) A raped girl to police : "saab ! pehle woh meri saari, petti coat aur blowse phaada ; us ke baad, mera braa hathaa kar boobs dabaye ; phir honton se mere honton ko aur nipples ko choose liye ; phir meri pante hatha ke gaand maari ; phir baad mein woh meraa chooth mein apni Lund dal kar ragad ragad ke choda " SI : ey chup bhosdi ki ! FIR likhaa rahi hai ya mere Lund kaa imthehaan le rahi hai ?

(5) Sardar entered Ladies toilet by mistake. Lady hollars " Out ! yeh mahilao ke liye hai ! " And sardar apna lund bathaa kar bola " Yeh bhi mahilao ke liye hi hai BHABHI JI ! "

(6) Sardar reads the front side T shirt of a girl , and reads , " Handle with care ! " Next day he wears a jeans , written " Candle with hair ! "

(7) Funeral ; heart shaped memorial for Cardia ; Gynec wonders , how his funeral would be !

(8) " What will make a book a best seller? " A : A girl on cover and no cover on the girl.

(9) Ek hakim sex ki goli bech raha thaa ! " Ek liya tho lambaa hoga ! Do liya tho Kambaa hoga ! " and a youth asks " aur teen liya tho ? " baazu ki randi ek tamacha mar ke boli " abe bhevde ? chod ne ko aaya? Ya khod ne ko aaya ?

(10) Heights of misunderstanding : A Negro, singing a bathroom song while bathing ; " Paani mein bheega mera gora badan ...."

(11) Difference between men and women : Woman wants one man to satisfy all her needs ; where as a man wants all women to satisfy his one need !

12) Zen fundas; 1. Nothing exists independently. 2. Nothing exists eternally. All must decay. 3. Nothing exists essentially. everything can be broken into parts and parts.

13) Board at Hyd : " Improve your english speaking skulls ; curses available"

14) maa : beti, ladka pasand aaya ? beti : haan, lekin maa, thoda mota tho hai ! maa : arre beti ! TV 14 inch ka yaa 29 inch kaa tho kya ? Remote tho 6 inch kaa hee hotha hai !

15) stock broker catches his wife in bed with another man. She explains away, " due to boom in the market and huge demand, I went PUBLIC ! "

16) Most ancient Jackass in the history of man kind : Dussasana : we went on pulling and pulling the saree, instead of just LIFTING it ! .

17) Lady to salesman : why does a tiny handbag like this costs so much ? Salesman : It's made of male penis Madam ! A female touch and it becomes a big suitcase !

18) A famous prostitute dies. Many admirers come to her funeral. One remarks, ' at last, they're together! " 2 nd man : u mean, her husband ? I didn't know ! " 1 st one : No, her legs, mate !

19) Recent study tells us that, bird flu virus hits SMALL COCKS first! I thought I shuld tell u !

20) Kanjoos biwi apni suhaag raat ko : dheere se toko janam / mehengayi kaa zamana hai / 6 inch ki iss cheez ko / umar bhar chalana hai!

21) Kissing is like real estate. It's not about how big it is ! It's about location, location, location !

22) A woman who arouses a man and leaves him is called a teaser. What is a man, who does the same, is called ? " Moisturiser".

23)

sms jokes. till Oct.2004

2005-09-04T04:55:00.000-07:00

W There was a young lady called Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger,
They returned from ride ,
With lady inside,
And smile, on the face of Tiger !! "

Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed !

" Love is the answer, but as you await the answer, sex gets up and poses some pretty tough questions ! "

" Here’s a girl I kissed last,
She didn’t kiss slow nor she kissed fast,
She kissed so long and she kissed so sweet,
She made things stand that has no feet ! "

Anyone who feels he’s too small to make a big difference, obviously, hasn’t gone to bed with a mosquito !

" Fill , what is empty, empty, what is full ; and scratch, where it itches ! "

" I’m such a great love in bed because I practice a lot on my own ! " -- Woody Allen.

" Sex without love is a meaning less experience. As meaningless as experiences go, it’s pretty damn good ! " -- Woody Allen.

" All great revolutions start, when the ‘ first big shot’ is fired ! ( Pun un intended ! ) " – Swami Beyondananda .

Heights of revenge : A bastard , puncturing all the condoms in a condom factory !

What did the lawyer name his daughter ? SUE !!

" Teri yaar sab se pyaari / iss mein koyi shaq nahin,
teri yaar sab se pyaari / iss mein koyi shaq nahim,
par kal sab ne teraa gaand maari, tho kyaa mera koyi haq nahin ? "

What do you call when a Blonde dyes her hair black as brunette ? A : Artificial Intelligence ( which is no match no natural stupidity )

" A life without a friend is like boobs without nipples ; pointless ! "

What do you call a Sikh female’s boy friend ? Her Pal Singh !

" Tere ishq mein jaanam , dekho kyaa haal ho gaya ?
body se badboo aa rahi hai , nahaa ke zamaana ho gaya ! " – maila majnoo.

A big cat threatens the mice family. The Pa mouse yells, ‘ Bhow Bhow ! ‘. Cat is scared and runs away. Pa mouse : That’s why I say, it’s important to learn a 2 nd language ! "

" Abey ! peepal ke paed ke sukhe huye patte mein / chupe huye bhooth ke / panje ke last ungli ke / toote huye naakhoon se / behethe huye khoon ke / bimaar bacteria… ! / Kabhi sms kar !! "

2 surds watching a girl. 1 st one : What lovely pair of boobs she has ! 2 nd surd ( absent mindedly ) : arre boobs bole tho yaad aaya , bhabhiji kaisi hai ?

sms jokes ; Dec.2004 -> Aug.2005.

2005-09-04T04:48:00.000-07:00

SMS JOKES TILL SEPT. 2005

what did Bill Gates’ wife tell him on his wedding night ? " I now know why, your company was names ‘ micro-soft’ !! "

A lady from 2 nd floor, hollering at the banana wala : Kela kaise dega ? Bananawala : aath mein barah ! Lady : Saath mein tera diya tho oopar aa aja !

Why girls do not keep their mobiles in their bras ? ‘cos, signal does not work in mountain areas !

Wife : Suno ji mujhe bra lena hai ! Hubby :Bra ki kya zaroorath hai ; tere itne chote chote hai ! Wife : Kal tum ne under wear khareeda , main ne kuch kaha kya ?

In bio test, teacher asks students to draw the figure of vagina . A girl feels shy and hangs her head down. A boy comlains : " Teacher, she’s copying ! "

All desirable things in life are either illegal, or banned, or fattening, expensive or married to some one else !
Modern terminology : To defeat = gaand phaad dena ! To beat = gaand maar de na ! to make someone jealous = gand jala dena . to think = gaand kujlaana !

Like without friends is like boobs without nipples, POINTLESS !

A movie on lesbians is called ‘ Fire’. A movie on homosexuals ? back-fire ! A movie on bi-sexuals ? Kabhi pussy kabhi bum !

What do you call a nun, who had sex-change operation ? a Trans-sister !

Khath likh rahaa hoon khoon se, ink mat samajh naa / khath likh rahaa hoon khoon se, ink mat samajh naa / mareez ka sample liya hoon / mera mat samajh naa !

Vajpayee giving a lecture on family planning, and Laloo veheme ntly protests : If you are not playing the game, you don’t frame the rules !

Santa boasting : I showed the officer my grey hair on chest ; and govt.granted me old age pension. Wife : chaddi khol ke batana chahiye thaa ! DISABILITY PENSION pension bhi mil jaathi !

A foreigner walking down a chowpatty , spots a sexy looking hijda ! F : Are you, err… a prostitute ? Hijda : No, I’m a substitute !

Hey khudaa tum ladki kaa kamar ko itni patli kyoon banayi ? / mitta kum padi yaa rishwat khaayi ? / khuda : naa mitti kam padi naa rishwat khayi / kamar dabayi tho breast bahar aayi ! "

At 33 he quit smoking ( will power ) / at 43 he quit drinking ( more will power ! ) /at 53 he quit gambling ( great will power ) / at 63 he quit sex ( power failure ! )

Laloo’s son , introducing his phirangi friends to his dad : daddy ji ! yeh tho eng-lund wa se ; aur yeh tho ire-lund wah se ; aur yeh scot-lund wa se ; aur ye holl-lund wa se … : Laloo interrupting : aur tum tho hamri lundwa se !

Acc.to a recent survey, the first thing men notice about women are : Their eyes ! Acc.to women, men are a bunch of liars when it comes to surveys !

Hubby : U want a quickie ? Wife : As opposed to what ?

Man 2 woman : Hey miss ! can I buy you whisky ? Woman : No thanks! Whisky is bad for my legs ? Man : Why ? Do they swell ? Woman : No , they spread !

Ladies hostel warden, calling electricity dept : aaji koy aadmi hai tho bhejo ! 3 din se mombatti yon se kaam chala rahe hain !

In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make ! – Beatles.

Sardar : Mera jitna bada condom milega ? Chemist : utna bada condom se kya karoge ? Sardar : Hamri collage ki fancy dress competition mein main LUND ban raha hoon !

Mechanism to avoid condom accidents : use double condoms with chilly powder in between. If the outer one breaks, she will know. If the inner one breaks, you will know !

How do air hostesses greet attractive male passengers ? " aap ka HARD DICK swaagath hai ! "

World’s oldest and strangest mystery : each pandava , identifying their son from the 5 upp-pandavas !

The biggest tragedy of Sholay : ek tho waisi hi Thakur ki biwi nahin thi aur oopar se, gabbar ne uss ka haath thod dee !

The rich man : kya sex mehnath hai yaa maza ? Poor one : Mazaa. Rich : how ? Poor : agar who bhi mehnath hothi tho aap hum se karaathe !

2 homo friends looking at a travel brochure . 1 st one : Let’s try GREECE this year ! 2 nd : Why, what’s wrong with Vaseline ?

Why do the French think, the Pakistan is full of whores ? A : ‘cos, Pakis say, ‘La-hore’ is their cultural capital !

Surd wanted his tool bigger by the time he gets married. Quack : Get it sucked by a calf for 2 weeks. After 2 weeks, quack asks : Got married ? How’s tool’s size now ? Surd : No ! marriage cancelled. I bought 5 calves instead !

Waqt noor ko be-noor kar deta kai / zaqam ko nasoor kar deta hai / kaun chahtha hai apnon se door hona / par waqt sab ko majboor kar deta hai ! "

Patient : doc ! In my dreams, rats play football every night ! Doc : Then, take this medicine from tonight ! Patient : Doc, can I start from tomorrow, for, tonight is the finals ~!

Full form of BRA ( Bhima Rao Ambedkar ) : Wo bhi gire huye ko uthata hai aur yeh bhi !

raat ko biwi ‘ jan-gan-man ‘ laga diya ! pathi : ye kya lagayi hai ? Patni : yeh last try hai ! yeh sun kar sara India khada ho jatha hai aur asha hai aap ka bhi hoga !

A prostitute’s daughter asks her mother : " Mummy ! yeh PYAAR, ISHQ OR MOHABBAT’kya hothe hain ? PROS : kuch nahin beti ! Sab free mein chod ne ki bahane hain ! "

Patient : Doctor saab ! Mera ek problem hai ! Main jab bhi ayina dekh tha hoon mera Lund khada ho jatha hai ! Doc : Yeh koyi bimari nahin ! tera shakal hee choot jaisa hai !

A dentist caught red handed with a girl. Head line in local news paper : " Dentist caught filling wrong cavities ! "
Acc.to World Health Organisation report, all medicines, invariably, have side effects. Only Viagra has FRONT effect !

Maho Maho Hallahu / Impatata Dhoompatata / Itta mutta dhitta mutta! This is African way to say " gand marwane se fursath mile tho, sms zaroor karna ! "

Thought for the day : It’s really hard to wait for the right person, esp.so, when the wrong ones are so cute ! "

Chemisty teacher ne class se poocha , ‘ what are nitrates ? ‘ aur ladki Sharma ke answer di ‘ they’re double than day rates ! "

Alec Smart said, ‘ People want the front of the bus, back of the church and the CENTRE of attention ! ‘

Hubby : You are SO unresponsive, do you use COLD CREAM between legs ? Wife retorting : Do you use VANISHING cream between yours ?

Every organization is like a tree full of monkeys. The ones at the top, see the monkeys below them. The monkeys at the bottom, see only assholes at the top !

Surd : This is NOT my baby ! I was 2 years abroad ! Wife : But aji, I had your photo ! Surd : Trash ! My photo was only upto my waist !

Blood test ke baad, cotton nahin mil ne par nurse ne sardar ki ungli mooh mein li ! Surd ( grinning expectantly ) : ab tho meri URIN test bhi baaki hai !

What’s the difference between biology and sociology. If the baby looks like his dad or mom, it’s biology. If baby looks like the neighbour, it’s sociology.

Wife : Though I’m 50, doctor said I have a figure of a 25 year old ! Hubby : What about your 50 year old ass ? Wife : We didn’t discuss about you at all !!

Girl opening her legs : hamre bacche kaa kyaa naam rakhenge ? Boy Friend, putting on condom : agar iss ke baad bhi paida hotha, tho lagayenge : JAADUGAR !

Why do girls prefer Gold to Boys ? ‘cos, gold has 24 carrots where as boys have only 1 carrot !

july.2005 /sms jokes

2005-07-25T00:31:00.000-07:00

1) Do you know why Phillips' girl friend was pretty upset with him?
She realised,that,' Phillips 14 inch" was a television set !!

2) What do you do with 365 rubbers ? - Melt them down, make a tyre, and call it 'Good Year' !

3) What happens,when, a girl makes love with a a) Judge, b) architect and c) banker ,respecdtively ?

a) honourable discharge, b) illegal erection and c) premature withdrawal and lack of interest , respectively !

4) " Always start your day with a lot of S E X / Smile , Energy and eXcitement ! Make it your daily habit so that, you'll be succe-sex-full ! "

5) A guy describing his exp on his 1 st date : She offered her honour ; I honoured her offer ; and the whole night, I was on her and off her ! "

6) A girl opening her legs to her boy friend asks " hamare bete ka kya naam rakhenge ? " . The boy, wearing a condom, replies, " iss ke baad bhi agar nikla, tho rakhenge, ' JAADU GAR' "!

7) A frustrated father's defensive reply to his often unruly and offensive son " I should have wasted you in the bath room ! "

8) a) Take a basket of grapes (b) Now, take that basket into your hands (c) now, stand in front of a mirror (d) What will you see ? " Langoor ke haath mein angoor "

9) Teacher " Who's Sania Mirza ? " Student : A tennis player . Teacher : Who's Mallika Sherawat ? Student : A Penis player !

10)What do you call a drunk Parsi ? Be-Jaan Daruwalla. What do you call a Parsi Pimp ? Naari Contractor.
What do you call a parsi test tube babay ? Bottley Boy !

11) 3 biggest tragedies in mans' life : job sucks ; life sucks ; wife doesn't !

12) " you and me do it in bed ! Do it in Car. Do it standing. do it sitting. Do it in toilet. The best is doing it lying down ! hey don't we, in these positions, give sms ?

13) 23 useless things in a man's body, 20 nails that cannot be hammered ; 2 balls that u can't throw ; 1 cock that cannot crow & don't laugh girls ! You have a pussy that cannot catch a mouse !

14) taan uthaa ke karo ; taang philake karo ; ghoom ghoom ke karo ; aage aur peeche se karo ; saans rok ke karo ; jitne karo utna halka feel hoga ; RAM DEV BABA KI YOGAA !

15) What's a russian sex book called ? ' kis ne mara balls squash ki !' And a chinese sex book called ? you chew mine !

16) A man jumps into bed and starts making wild love. gal: jijaa ji ! main aap ki saali hoon Raadha ! Man : ab bolti hai Radha ! jab ghus gaya aadha ?

17) Policeman arrests a prostitute. Pros : Hey , I'm a sales girl ! Police : What do you sell ? Pros : I sell condoms ; but give a free deomnstration !

18) propose karne kaa naya style : ' duniya ko tod doonga / zamaane ko phod doonga / ek baar haan keh de / bas ek bar haan keh de / main pehli waali ko chod doonga ! '

19) What are 2 things in air , that can make a girl pregnent ? her feet !

20) Scientists have discovered a cake that can cause men to lose 90 % of their potency. IT's called ' Wedding cake' !

21) Have you heard about a new paint called ' blonde paint '? It's not very bright but spreads easy !

22) ek biwi apne ghar ko swarg bana sakthi hai aur apne pathi ko swarg wasi bhi !

23) Differnce between cultures of US and India. In US , you can kiss in public places but can't piss. In india, it's vice versa !

24) Notice near a hyderabadi hair cutting saloon : idhar neeche baal kaat ne kaa dukaan oopar badal gaya hai !

25) How do you tell a girl friend, that you wannt go to toilet during dinner ? " I've to shake hands with a childhood friend of mine, whom, hopefully, I'm gonna introduce to you after dinner ! "